Today, Fr. Donnie celebrated his 84th birthday. In his typical self-less fashion, he moved the “festivities” back a week, to ensure that we all had a proper send-off next Sunday (I’m still contemplating buying a cow…but I’m not sure if I can go through with the whole slaughtering part of it!). It’s pretty amazing that Fr. Donnie is back near 100% just about 2 years after his cancer diagnosis. Like I said, there isn’t a lot going on tonight to celebrate his birthday, however, he is getting a cake and he was happy to hear that the Red Sox got past King Felix last night (More importantly, he also made contact with Ruthie!).
As the time is drawing to an end, I’m beginning to transition into the “re-entry” phase of this experience. I’m not sure whether or not I’ll freak out or something when I see white people walking down the street or tall buildings, but I’m definitely expecting that it will be an adjustment. All I know is that I’ve gained a lot of appreciation for what I used to take for granted (seeing people who live in mud huts function normally kind of makes things like the NFL labor mess look silly…but seriously, I better have football back when I get home!). Ok, enough with the life lessons and stupid clichés, I’ve got better things to do…
Due to the fact that my internet package expires tomorrow, this could very well be my last post until I come home. If this the final time that I communicate with the rest of civilization, I’d like to sincerely thank everybody for keeping me sane over the last 6 months (you were the reason I was able to slowly crawl out of the fetal position those first few weeks!).
P.S. Cya on the 20th (Yes, even you, weird Malyasian dude who always reads this thing! You’re absolutely expected to be in attendance!)
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
A Little Bit of Everything!
The Proposal:-
Remember Charles (the crazy guy with the uncomfortably high pitched voice)? Well, he re-appeared on Sunday night…and he attempted to buy Stephanie into wifehood (Sorry, I still can’t think of a way to make the dowry sound normal). So Charles, who had his game-face on throughout the whole negotiation, set the price at 2 cows (I’d like to add that he was wearing a 7-11 hat(probably trying to save cash up for a Big Gulp). As you can probably guess, Charles’ asking price wasn’t exactly met with the reaction that he was hoping for…
Wataturu Visit:
-Last Wednesday, we traveled to the the Wataturu land and camped out overnight. As I was setting up my tent, I discovered a holes in the lining. Although I wasn’t thrilled with the prospect of snakes, ect… crawling in while I was asleep, I didn’t really have another option, so I popped a couple Tylenol PMs and cranked up my IPOD. Fr. Michael woke us up to watch the sunrise, which was really cool. All in all, a good adventure!
-Crazy Pentacostals:
The day after Chris and Garrett arrived, a large RangeRover pulled into the village. Just as we were sitting down for breakfast, out marched this GUY named Torrie (never trust a guy with a girl’s name…who also has an uncanny resemblance to the lead singer from the Fray). Torrie, the self-proclaimed “leader” of a group of Pentacostals, based out of California, approached the house with Bible in hand. As he began introducing his posse to us (shooting out scriptural references left and right...), I noticed that they kept this African woman in the back of the car. When Torrie finally did take a breath, I asked him why she wasn’t outside with all of us (I was secretly hoping he’d turn around in her direction and yell back “Where were you?”…if ya don’t get, you’re old). He told me that she didn’t feel comfortable to come out with us….blah blah blah… Although we’ll never know what her deal was, I think it was symbolic of what sometimes goes on over here. Without going into too much more detail, there’s a lot of people who go into these areas in an attempt to make a quick buck…also, a major reason why East Africa hasn’t really been able to get on its feet. It just gives me a greater appreciation for Fr. Donnie’s work.
“Shoulda Gone to Yale!”:
-By now, I think everybody knows that my IQ is about half of Stephanie’s. For example, she’s picked up more of the language in a couple months than I have in four. This week, however, I think we reached a new level…With the internet being essentially dead, Steph discovered that Minesweeper came with my computer. A couple days ago, I gave the game a try after lunch and lost (just like EVERYONE else…one interesting note: the explosions…WHEN YOU LOSE…are way cooler in the updated version).
Unfortunately, I made the mistake of leaving my laptop in Stephanie’s house that afternoon. After our nightly prayer (clearly my favorite evening activity…), she attempted to teach me how to play because “it’s really easy and all you need to do is use logic and common sense…” Lo and behold, I never got past EASY and even the EXPERT Minesweeper got frustrated with my lack of logic and common sense (For what it’s worth she also does ADULT puzzle books for fun...Probably gonna get in trouble for this...cyaaaaa)
Remember Charles (the crazy guy with the uncomfortably high pitched voice)? Well, he re-appeared on Sunday night…and he attempted to buy Stephanie into wifehood (Sorry, I still can’t think of a way to make the dowry sound normal). So Charles, who had his game-face on throughout the whole negotiation, set the price at 2 cows (I’d like to add that he was wearing a 7-11 hat(probably trying to save cash up for a Big Gulp). As you can probably guess, Charles’ asking price wasn’t exactly met with the reaction that he was hoping for…
Wataturu Visit:
-Last Wednesday, we traveled to the the Wataturu land and camped out overnight. As I was setting up my tent, I discovered a holes in the lining. Although I wasn’t thrilled with the prospect of snakes, ect… crawling in while I was asleep, I didn’t really have another option, so I popped a couple Tylenol PMs and cranked up my IPOD. Fr. Michael woke us up to watch the sunrise, which was really cool. All in all, a good adventure!
-Crazy Pentacostals:
The day after Chris and Garrett arrived, a large RangeRover pulled into the village. Just as we were sitting down for breakfast, out marched this GUY named Torrie (never trust a guy with a girl’s name…who also has an uncanny resemblance to the lead singer from the Fray). Torrie, the self-proclaimed “leader” of a group of Pentacostals, based out of California, approached the house with Bible in hand. As he began introducing his posse to us (shooting out scriptural references left and right...), I noticed that they kept this African woman in the back of the car. When Torrie finally did take a breath, I asked him why she wasn’t outside with all of us (I was secretly hoping he’d turn around in her direction and yell back “Where were you?”…if ya don’t get, you’re old). He told me that she didn’t feel comfortable to come out with us….blah blah blah… Although we’ll never know what her deal was, I think it was symbolic of what sometimes goes on over here. Without going into too much more detail, there’s a lot of people who go into these areas in an attempt to make a quick buck…also, a major reason why East Africa hasn’t really been able to get on its feet. It just gives me a greater appreciation for Fr. Donnie’s work.
“Shoulda Gone to Yale!”:
-By now, I think everybody knows that my IQ is about half of Stephanie’s. For example, she’s picked up more of the language in a couple months than I have in four. This week, however, I think we reached a new level…With the internet being essentially dead, Steph discovered that Minesweeper came with my computer. A couple days ago, I gave the game a try after lunch and lost (just like EVERYONE else…one interesting note: the explosions…WHEN YOU LOSE…are way cooler in the updated version).
Unfortunately, I made the mistake of leaving my laptop in Stephanie’s house that afternoon. After our nightly prayer (clearly my favorite evening activity…), she attempted to teach me how to play because “it’s really easy and all you need to do is use logic and common sense…” Lo and behold, I never got past EASY and even the EXPERT Minesweeper got frustrated with my lack of logic and common sense (For what it’s worth she also does ADULT puzzle books for fun...Probably gonna get in trouble for this...cyaaaaa)
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Get Ready to OD on Religiousness!
-The Decision-
Sooooo… I just made a big mistake. A couple days ago, I noticed that the Pope joined Twitter. Naturally, I thought that it would be funny to follow him. However, now Ratz is hooked and has been tweeting nonstop about a bunch of stupid stuff. Thus, I’ve unintentionally arrived at the following ethical dilemma: Can I just “Unfollow” the Pope? I mean, the dude’s bragging about where he’s spending his extravagant vacations while I’m barely eating enough rice to get through the night!
-Sad News…
I’m no longer the biggest, most intimidating looking white guy in the village! The two seminarians, Garrett and Chris, arrived in Ndolelejii yesterday (They are studying in Rome and have just finished up their 2nd year in the seminary). Prior to seeing them in person, I pictured these guys to be nerdy...Well I wrongggg…Chris has an eerie resemblance to how I’ve always imagined Paul Bunyan would look. Garrett, also a mid-western, corn-fed white boy (that one’s for Nick T…and for everyone else: i know, it's like calling the kettle black, or in my case, white! But, ya Garrett is from Montana. Interestingly, Garrett didn’t know who Drew Bledsoe was. What else is there to know about Montana other than that?!
- Fr. Donnie Drank Kerosene during Mass and Showered in it too!
The headline says it all! I mean, I always knew Fr. Donnie was a lot tougher than most people. Sure, a bunch of 83 year-olds hang out in Africa...after surviving cancer...but this just solidifies his legacy. Can you seriously find anything on the list of “Chuck Norris-isms” that would trump Fr. Donnie’s weekly activities? Good luck with that, ‘ cause it ain’t happenin!
Sooooo… I just made a big mistake. A couple days ago, I noticed that the Pope joined Twitter. Naturally, I thought that it would be funny to follow him. However, now Ratz is hooked and has been tweeting nonstop about a bunch of stupid stuff. Thus, I’ve unintentionally arrived at the following ethical dilemma: Can I just “Unfollow” the Pope? I mean, the dude’s bragging about where he’s spending his extravagant vacations while I’m barely eating enough rice to get through the night!
-Sad News…
I’m no longer the biggest, most intimidating looking white guy in the village! The two seminarians, Garrett and Chris, arrived in Ndolelejii yesterday (They are studying in Rome and have just finished up their 2nd year in the seminary). Prior to seeing them in person, I pictured these guys to be nerdy...Well I wrongggg…Chris has an eerie resemblance to how I’ve always imagined Paul Bunyan would look. Garrett, also a mid-western, corn-fed white boy (that one’s for Nick T…and for everyone else: i know, it's like calling the kettle black, or in my case, white! But, ya Garrett is from Montana. Interestingly, Garrett didn’t know who Drew Bledsoe was. What else is there to know about Montana other than that?!
- Fr. Donnie Drank Kerosene during Mass and Showered in it too!
The headline says it all! I mean, I always knew Fr. Donnie was a lot tougher than most people. Sure, a bunch of 83 year-olds hang out in Africa...after surviving cancer...but this just solidifies his legacy. Can you seriously find anything on the list of “Chuck Norris-isms” that would trump Fr. Donnie’s weekly activities? Good luck with that, ‘ cause it ain’t happenin!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Welcome Home Whitey!
Sorry for the week-long blog absence. Last week was rather hectic, however, things are getting back to normal. Anyways, there’s no point in getting too reflective when work still needs to be done, so here’s the headlines…Oh ya, and a quick shout-out to the Malayasian dude that keeps reading this thing…Ya I see you! (Note: I’ve got some really good videos and pictures from this weekend, so check out my facebook for those).
RIP Malaria:
-I regret to inform you all that our cat will not be coming down for breakfast (and yes we named the cat Malaria after last week’s events). Although we are still unsure of what exactly happened to the stupid cat (“paka” in Swahili), the only conclusion that I’ve been able to draw from his demise is that everybody’s health is improving. Good Riddance!
Hamna Pipi (“No Candy”…Is it bad that I still laugh when the kids ask for pipi…pronounced “peepee”?):
-In a little over a month, Stephanie has handed out 740 Dum-Dum Lollipops (There are literally 10 left). I’m pretty sure she’s gotten every kid in the village!
1st Communion-A-Palooza/Corpus Christi:
-Sunday was absolutely crazy. A bunch of people from the neighboring villages came to Ndolelejii for Mass. Over 150 kids received their First Communions, which was niiiice…(Btw, official Mass Time: 5+ Hours…but who’s counting right?!). Later that day, Fr. Michael, Stephanie, and I attended a First Communion party for the daughter of the primary school’s Head Teacher. While everybody was very kind to us, the party featured uncomfortably close, male-on-male “straight” dancing (no girls allowed…I’m not kidding…). All I could think about was that picture of Tyler Seguin and Noseface breaking it down on the bar…
-In addition, we took part in the village-wide Corpus Christi celebration. I’ll be honest, the only thing that I knew about Corpus Christi was that it was some place in Texas. For whatever reason, Fr. Michael was visibly disappointed in my lack of knowledge on the subject (even going as far as asking me: “How much money did your parents spend on your education?”…I always thought that the Irish were the only people that drilled guilt down your throat…
…Speaking of Stereotypes:
-What better way to end this entry than welcoming Whitey home! Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to keep up with this story because the internet has been awful this week. Was he really just hanging out in LA without a car? All I know is that there’s gonna be a lot of seniors claiming memory loss…In my opinion, we should crack down on everybody over the age of 80. Replace the ‘War on Drugs’ with the ‘War on Old People’(…and you know how much I hate hippies!)
P.S.:
White Men CAN Jump:
-Oops…I almost forgot the most important thing of all. Today, I can confidently state the following: “Sean White (Note 3rd person emphasis) is the best basketball player in the village.” Seriously though, Sean White thinks that this comment will be valid for like a day. Sean White is very impressed with how quickly the kids picked up the game…Ok, it’s getting obnoxious. In closing, I can absolutely see a couple Dikembe Mutumbos cropping up in the future!
P.S.S. (I swear this is it!):
-The basketball court has officially been weed’ed out. Although the hoops are made out of bamboo and there are no backboards yet, I decided blow up a few balls and play around with the kids. Thanks again to St. Jerome’s for the donations. The kids are having a blast!
RIP Malaria:
-I regret to inform you all that our cat will not be coming down for breakfast (and yes we named the cat Malaria after last week’s events). Although we are still unsure of what exactly happened to the stupid cat (“paka” in Swahili), the only conclusion that I’ve been able to draw from his demise is that everybody’s health is improving. Good Riddance!
Hamna Pipi (“No Candy”…Is it bad that I still laugh when the kids ask for pipi…pronounced “peepee”?):
-In a little over a month, Stephanie has handed out 740 Dum-Dum Lollipops (There are literally 10 left). I’m pretty sure she’s gotten every kid in the village!
1st Communion-A-Palooza/Corpus Christi:
-Sunday was absolutely crazy. A bunch of people from the neighboring villages came to Ndolelejii for Mass. Over 150 kids received their First Communions, which was niiiice…(Btw, official Mass Time: 5+ Hours…but who’s counting right?!). Later that day, Fr. Michael, Stephanie, and I attended a First Communion party for the daughter of the primary school’s Head Teacher. While everybody was very kind to us, the party featured uncomfortably close, male-on-male “straight” dancing (no girls allowed…I’m not kidding…). All I could think about was that picture of Tyler Seguin and Noseface breaking it down on the bar…
-In addition, we took part in the village-wide Corpus Christi celebration. I’ll be honest, the only thing that I knew about Corpus Christi was that it was some place in Texas. For whatever reason, Fr. Michael was visibly disappointed in my lack of knowledge on the subject (even going as far as asking me: “How much money did your parents spend on your education?”…I always thought that the Irish were the only people that drilled guilt down your throat…
…Speaking of Stereotypes:
-What better way to end this entry than welcoming Whitey home! Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to keep up with this story because the internet has been awful this week. Was he really just hanging out in LA without a car? All I know is that there’s gonna be a lot of seniors claiming memory loss…In my opinion, we should crack down on everybody over the age of 80. Replace the ‘War on Drugs’ with the ‘War on Old People’(…and you know how much I hate hippies!)
P.S.:
White Men CAN Jump:
-Oops…I almost forgot the most important thing of all. Today, I can confidently state the following: “Sean White (Note 3rd person emphasis) is the best basketball player in the village.” Seriously though, Sean White thinks that this comment will be valid for like a day. Sean White is very impressed with how quickly the kids picked up the game…Ok, it’s getting obnoxious. In closing, I can absolutely see a couple Dikembe Mutumbos cropping up in the future!
P.S.S. (I swear this is it!):
-The basketball court has officially been weed’ed out. Although the hoops are made out of bamboo and there are no backboards yet, I decided blow up a few balls and play around with the kids. Thanks again to St. Jerome’s for the donations. The kids are having a blast!
Friday, June 17, 2011
Stuff We Did This Week: Stanley Cup Edition
-Shopping for Sugarcane:-
On Tuesday, we took a trip down to the river (without that weird dude Charles) to attend to some important business. Stephanie brought some kids to help us negotiate a fair price for the “Muwa” (sugarcane). Although we caused a pretty big scene, it seemed like the people in the village enjoyed the excitement. I think we paid pretty close to market value (1,000 Tsch…Less than $1 USD) for the 3 huge sticks of muwa.
- Thanks Chapman:- On Wednesday, we connected with Chapman Middle School in Weymouth. Once again, the Weymouth schools brought their A game! (Still unemployed…just sayin!) Thanks again, to Mr. Miller and his class!
-Half Chicken, Half Duck:- Move over Napoleon Dynamite, there’s a new animal that’s replaced the “Liger” I don’t even know what to call this thing…It has the body of a duck, but chicken feathers!
-Conflicting Dreams:- Ok, so apparently Jesus made an appearance in Stephanie’s dream the other night. Coincidently, I also had a powerful revelation the same night…I ate a bacon egg cheese croissant and washed it down w/ a large ice coffee(Ya, I know this is a pretty good indicator of a variety of things…)
-The 39 Year Curse of Dale Arnold is Over:- Congrats to the B’s on the huge win! I’m not gonna lie, the Bruins were definitely 4th on my sports barometer (I still know more about them than most Miami fans know about the HEAT…Get out while you still can Israel!), however, the one thing that I can take credit for is getting Dale Arnold off the air. You see, just about a week after I left for Africa, WEEI shook up their line-up and removed the most boring radio personality on the face of the Earth. While I am still unable to find a direct link between the two, many signs point to this scenario being significant! Finally (and most importantly), hit the streets hard tomorrow and enjoy the parade!
P.S. I spotted a Dora the Explorer van in Mwanza a couple weeks ago. Unfortunately, Tanzania doesn’t allow me to send pictures from my cell phone to the Web. Honestly, I think this would be the perfect mode of transportation for Adolpho’s Drunken Recaps…Visual evidence will be available in August!
P.S.S. I’m going to do my best to try and find Canucks “Championship” memorabilia…Please forward me along any possible 3rd World markets that you hear about as potential locations!
On Tuesday, we took a trip down to the river (without that weird dude Charles) to attend to some important business. Stephanie brought some kids to help us negotiate a fair price for the “Muwa” (sugarcane). Although we caused a pretty big scene, it seemed like the people in the village enjoyed the excitement. I think we paid pretty close to market value (1,000 Tsch…Less than $1 USD) for the 3 huge sticks of muwa.
- Thanks Chapman:- On Wednesday, we connected with Chapman Middle School in Weymouth. Once again, the Weymouth schools brought their A game! (Still unemployed…just sayin!) Thanks again, to Mr. Miller and his class!
-Half Chicken, Half Duck:- Move over Napoleon Dynamite, there’s a new animal that’s replaced the “Liger” I don’t even know what to call this thing…It has the body of a duck, but chicken feathers!
-Conflicting Dreams:- Ok, so apparently Jesus made an appearance in Stephanie’s dream the other night. Coincidently, I also had a powerful revelation the same night…I ate a bacon egg cheese croissant and washed it down w/ a large ice coffee(Ya, I know this is a pretty good indicator of a variety of things…)
-The 39 Year Curse of Dale Arnold is Over:- Congrats to the B’s on the huge win! I’m not gonna lie, the Bruins were definitely 4th on my sports barometer (I still know more about them than most Miami fans know about the HEAT…Get out while you still can Israel!), however, the one thing that I can take credit for is getting Dale Arnold off the air. You see, just about a week after I left for Africa, WEEI shook up their line-up and removed the most boring radio personality on the face of the Earth. While I am still unable to find a direct link between the two, many signs point to this scenario being significant! Finally (and most importantly), hit the streets hard tomorrow and enjoy the parade!
P.S. I spotted a Dora the Explorer van in Mwanza a couple weeks ago. Unfortunately, Tanzania doesn’t allow me to send pictures from my cell phone to the Web. Honestly, I think this would be the perfect mode of transportation for Adolpho’s Drunken Recaps…Visual evidence will be available in August!
P.S.S. I’m going to do my best to try and find Canucks “Championship” memorabilia…Please forward me along any possible 3rd World markets that you hear about as potential locations!
Saturday, June 11, 2011
The Week That Was…
This week, Fr. Donnie, Stephanie and I made a surprise trip to Mwanza. Fr. Donnie had to a few errands to take care of, so he invited us to travel with him. Although we spent most of our time in the car, here are a few highlights:
-Dining on Lake Victoria: Fr. Donnie took us to this restaurant that sits right on the water. I ordered a steak and it was AWESOME!
-Web Chat with Weymouth High: This was pretty cool. We connected with Ms. Curran’s class for a video chat. The students had a lot of good questions. Feel free to contact us if you’d like to try and set something up...Why aren’t we charging for this??
-$55 USD on Candy: The title says it all. Stephanie and I found this store called the “U-Turn” that had an entire room filled with chocolate! In a moment of weakness, we grabbed as much candy as possible and ended up dropping an egregious amount of money. We’re currently hiding the stash in an undisclosed location back in the village…pretty much like the scene in Heavyweights!
-Street Court: Speaking of movies and TV, we found the greatest show of all time on one of the satellite. From what we’ve been able to piece together, the basic premise of “Street Court” is as follows: This dude from the NYC/ NJ area, “Judge Mazz”, finds people who are fighting on the street and offers his input on how the conflict should be resolved. I’m really not doing you any justice by explaining it, so I’ll just post an episode of it on my facebook.
*P.S. This just in: African babies freak out whenever they see white people. Thus, we’ve decided to start keeping track of how many babies cry at our very sight…So far the we’re at 12…Stay tuned for updates!
-Dining on Lake Victoria: Fr. Donnie took us to this restaurant that sits right on the water. I ordered a steak and it was AWESOME!
-Web Chat with Weymouth High: This was pretty cool. We connected with Ms. Curran’s class for a video chat. The students had a lot of good questions. Feel free to contact us if you’d like to try and set something up...Why aren’t we charging for this??
-$55 USD on Candy: The title says it all. Stephanie and I found this store called the “U-Turn” that had an entire room filled with chocolate! In a moment of weakness, we grabbed as much candy as possible and ended up dropping an egregious amount of money. We’re currently hiding the stash in an undisclosed location back in the village…pretty much like the scene in Heavyweights!
-Street Court: Speaking of movies and TV, we found the greatest show of all time on one of the satellite. From what we’ve been able to piece together, the basic premise of “Street Court” is as follows: This dude from the NYC/ NJ area, “Judge Mazz”, finds people who are fighting on the street and offers his input on how the conflict should be resolved. I’m really not doing you any justice by explaining it, so I’ll just post an episode of it on my facebook.
*P.S. This just in: African babies freak out whenever they see white people. Thus, we’ve decided to start keeping track of how many babies cry at our very sight…So far the we’re at 12…Stay tuned for updates!
Monday, June 6, 2011
Just Say No!
Disclaimer: If you have a weak stomach, it might make sense to skip today’s blog…
Yesterday, I discovered that a WORM was living inside of me. Although the very thought of it still makes me want to puke, I would like everyone to know that I’m getting better now so nobody needs to worry (except for the worm). It’s weird, when you’re passed out on the floor after throwing up ALL night, a lot of things go through your head… “I wonder what time it is”, “Maybe Jack Kevorkian wasn’t as crazy we all thought” (RIP Doc), “I would’ve totally rather had my finger bitten off by Alex Burrows”, ect...With that being said, the prevailing thought that was running throughout my mind was this: “So, I’m finally paying the price after my mom wrote my AWARD-WINNING DARE essay!” (Sorry Mrs. Puleo). In hindsight, my feelings of remorse are mainly due to the fact that my web of lies has finally caught up with me. Had I simply “DARE’d to be Different”(rather than caving under the peer pressure from Fr. Donnies’ researchers to join them for mid-morning tea) I would’ve never found myself in this predicament...Oh well, looks like I should figure
Yesterday, I discovered that a WORM was living inside of me. Although the very thought of it still makes me want to puke, I would like everyone to know that I’m getting better now so nobody needs to worry (except for the worm). It’s weird, when you’re passed out on the floor after throwing up ALL night, a lot of things go through your head… “I wonder what time it is”, “Maybe Jack Kevorkian wasn’t as crazy we all thought” (RIP Doc), “I would’ve totally rather had my finger bitten off by Alex Burrows”, ect...With that being said, the prevailing thought that was running throughout my mind was this: “So, I’m finally paying the price after my mom wrote my AWARD-WINNING DARE essay!” (Sorry Mrs. Puleo). In hindsight, my feelings of remorse are mainly due to the fact that my web of lies has finally caught up with me. Had I simply “DARE’d to be Different”(rather than caving under the peer pressure from Fr. Donnies’ researchers to join them for mid-morning tea) I would’ve never found myself in this predicament...Oh well, looks like I should figure
Friday, May 27, 2011
TGIF
This week has flown by! Last Friday, we picked up Fr. Donnie’s grand-niece, Stephanie, in Mwanza. For the few of you who don’t know, she came over here with my mom, Fr. Donnie’s sister, Ruth, and another Weymouth High adjustment counselor, Kelly, a couple of years ago. As expected, Stephanie is way more popular than I am over here, and it’s only been 3 days!
It’s been pretty funny sitting back, and watching the reactions of the local people when they introduce themselves to her. “For example” (Inside Fr. Michael joke…I can’t even count how many times he uses those 2 words in a day!), this one guy whipped out his cell phone and started taking pictures of us from behind the bushes. Moreover, the kids go absolutely nuts whenever she steps out of the house (On the first day, I had to get in the back of Fr. Donnie’s truck and pry kids off because they were clinging to the moving vehicle!) However, the weirdest encounter that’s taken place so far, has been with this dude named Charles. We have had to repeatedly deny Charles’ uncomfortably high-pitched invitations to “walk down to the river with him…where we could have all the sugar cane that we’d ever want” (YOUTUBE “Charlie the Unicorn”…there are way too many correlations between the video and this experience...). Let’s just sum it up way: in a place that does not recognize “alternative lifestyles”, ect…, Charles would be much more distraught over Oprah’s final episode than Wednesday night’s Bruin’s loss!
Have a nice, looooong weekend and Go Bs!
It’s been pretty funny sitting back, and watching the reactions of the local people when they introduce themselves to her. “For example” (Inside Fr. Michael joke…I can’t even count how many times he uses those 2 words in a day!), this one guy whipped out his cell phone and started taking pictures of us from behind the bushes. Moreover, the kids go absolutely nuts whenever she steps out of the house (On the first day, I had to get in the back of Fr. Donnie’s truck and pry kids off because they were clinging to the moving vehicle!) However, the weirdest encounter that’s taken place so far, has been with this dude named Charles. We have had to repeatedly deny Charles’ uncomfortably high-pitched invitations to “walk down to the river with him…where we could have all the sugar cane that we’d ever want” (YOUTUBE “Charlie the Unicorn”…there are way too many correlations between the video and this experience...). Let’s just sum it up way: in a place that does not recognize “alternative lifestyles”, ect…, Charles would be much more distraught over Oprah’s final episode than Wednesday night’s Bruin’s loss!
Have a nice, looooong weekend and Go Bs!
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Wacky Wednesdays!
Hey Guys,
Another interesting week in the village. A big snake was found the other night outside the house. The guards had to smash it in the head because it was poisonous…Anyway, I’m in a rush because we’re getting ready to head into Mwanza again. So, I figured that we could get a little educational…Here’s a random list of words and phrases in Swahili and Sukuma: (I think my favorite is “Dog’s Meat”...Do people actually that? Not sure if I want to know…).
English- Dementia Factor
Swahili-Kichaa lukichaa kigawa
Sukuma- Lutuga/Nzaji Jigawo.
English- No I won’t
Swahili-Hapana siwezi.
Sukuma-Nadudija.
English-Good Morning
Swahili-Jambo au habari za asubuki.
Sukuma-Mangaluka
English-Good Evening
Swahili-Habari za jioni
Sukuma-Madero
English-See you later.
Swahili-Tutaonana baadaye.
Sukuma-Dugwibona makanza.
English- One Thousand (1000).
Swahili- Elfu moja.
Sukuma- Shi hubi shimo.
English- One Hundred (100).
Swahili- Mia Moja.
Sukuma- Legana lemo.
English- Dog’s Meat
Swahili- Nyama ya mbwa
Sukuma- Nyama ya mva
English- Frog’s Meat
Swahili- Nyama ya chura
Sukuma- Nyama ya danga.
English- Chicken Miscarriage
Swahili- Nyama ya kuki kutoka kwa mimba
Sukuma- Nyama ya ngoko gwinga guli.
English- Any alcoholic beverage
Swahili- Pombe
Sukuma- Walwa
English- Banana Beer
Swahili- Mbege
Sukuma- Mbege/walwa
English- Doctor
Swahili-Mganga
Sukuma- Uguwhapeja.
English-A Letter
Swahili-Barau
Sukuma-Nyaruwa.
English- For example
Swahili- Mfano
Sukuma- Mfano
English- Very Good
Swahili- Safi
Sukuma-Obeja
English- I think so
Swahili- Sidhani
Sukuma- Nadamanile.
English- Cows
Swahili-Ng’ombe
Sukuma-Ng’ombe
English- Lion
Swahili- Simba
Sukuma- Shimba
English- Boy
Swahili- Mvulana
Sukuma- Nyanda
English- Girl
Swahili- Mischana
Sukuma- Ng’wanike
English- Father’s Name
Swahili- Baba
Sukuma- Lima lya ng’wawhawha oko.
English- Grandfather
Swahili- Babu
Sukuma- Nhamala
English- Grandmother
Swahili- Bibi
Sukuma- Ngikulu
English- Brother
Swahili- Kaka
Sukuma- Nyanda
English- At Once
Swahili- Mara moja
Sukuma- Kamo
English- Beginning
Swahili- Mwanzo
Sukuma- Gwandya
English- Fail
Swahili- Kushindwa
Sukuma- Guduma
English- Professor
Swahili- Malaam/ anayeweza
Sukuma- Duja
English- Hyena
Swahili- Fisi
Sukuma- Mbint
English- Snake
Swahili- Nyoka
Sukuma- Nzoka
English- Insects
Swahili- Wadudu
Sukuma- Tushino
English- Student
Swahili- Wanafunzi
Sukuma- Wilangi
English- Book
Swahili- Kitabu
Sukuma- Jidawho
English- Thank you
Swahili- Asante
Sukuma-Mwabeja
English- White people
Swahili- Mtu mweusi
Sukuma- Munho opi.
English- Where do you come from?
Swahili- Unatoka wapi?
Sukuma- Ulenga hee?
English- My name is…
Swahili- Jina langunaitwa…
Sukuma- Linha lyane…
English- Water
Swahili- Majii
Sukuma- Minze
Another interesting week in the village. A big snake was found the other night outside the house. The guards had to smash it in the head because it was poisonous…Anyway, I’m in a rush because we’re getting ready to head into Mwanza again. So, I figured that we could get a little educational…Here’s a random list of words and phrases in Swahili and Sukuma: (I think my favorite is “Dog’s Meat”...Do people actually that? Not sure if I want to know…).
English- Dementia Factor
Swahili-Kichaa lukichaa kigawa
Sukuma- Lutuga/Nzaji Jigawo.
English- No I won’t
Swahili-Hapana siwezi.
Sukuma-Nadudija.
English-Good Morning
Swahili-Jambo au habari za asubuki.
Sukuma-Mangaluka
English-Good Evening
Swahili-Habari za jioni
Sukuma-Madero
English-See you later.
Swahili-Tutaonana baadaye.
Sukuma-Dugwibona makanza.
English- One Thousand (1000).
Swahili- Elfu moja.
Sukuma- Shi hubi shimo.
English- One Hundred (100).
Swahili- Mia Moja.
Sukuma- Legana lemo.
English- Dog’s Meat
Swahili- Nyama ya mbwa
Sukuma- Nyama ya mva
English- Frog’s Meat
Swahili- Nyama ya chura
Sukuma- Nyama ya danga.
English- Chicken Miscarriage
Swahili- Nyama ya kuki kutoka kwa mimba
Sukuma- Nyama ya ngoko gwinga guli.
English- Any alcoholic beverage
Swahili- Pombe
Sukuma- Walwa
English- Banana Beer
Swahili- Mbege
Sukuma- Mbege/walwa
English- Doctor
Swahili-Mganga
Sukuma- Uguwhapeja.
English-A Letter
Swahili-Barau
Sukuma-Nyaruwa.
English- For example
Swahili- Mfano
Sukuma- Mfano
English- Very Good
Swahili- Safi
Sukuma-Obeja
English- I think so
Swahili- Sidhani
Sukuma- Nadamanile.
English- Cows
Swahili-Ng’ombe
Sukuma-Ng’ombe
English- Lion
Swahili- Simba
Sukuma- Shimba
English- Boy
Swahili- Mvulana
Sukuma- Nyanda
English- Girl
Swahili- Mischana
Sukuma- Ng’wanike
English- Father’s Name
Swahili- Baba
Sukuma- Lima lya ng’wawhawha oko.
English- Grandfather
Swahili- Babu
Sukuma- Nhamala
English- Grandmother
Swahili- Bibi
Sukuma- Ngikulu
English- Brother
Swahili- Kaka
Sukuma- Nyanda
English- At Once
Swahili- Mara moja
Sukuma- Kamo
English- Beginning
Swahili- Mwanzo
Sukuma- Gwandya
English- Fail
Swahili- Kushindwa
Sukuma- Guduma
English- Professor
Swahili- Malaam/ anayeweza
Sukuma- Duja
English- Hyena
Swahili- Fisi
Sukuma- Mbint
English- Snake
Swahili- Nyoka
Sukuma- Nzoka
English- Insects
Swahili- Wadudu
Sukuma- Tushino
English- Student
Swahili- Wanafunzi
Sukuma- Wilangi
English- Book
Swahili- Kitabu
Sukuma- Jidawho
English- Thank you
Swahili- Asante
Sukuma-Mwabeja
English- White people
Swahili- Mtu mweusi
Sukuma- Munho opi.
English- Where do you come from?
Swahili- Unatoka wapi?
Sukuma- Ulenga hee?
English- My name is…
Swahili- Jina langunaitwa…
Sukuma- Linha lyane…
English- Water
Swahili- Majii
Sukuma- Minze
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Playing Catch-Up
Last week was pretty busy. We spent a lot of time on the road, so I’ve been doing my best to keep things updated on my end. Check it out!!!
-Mwanza
On Tuesday, we took the 3-hour trip to Mwanza because Fr. Donnie, Fr. Dan, and Fr. Michael had their bi-annual meetings with the other Maryknoll missionaries that work throughout Tanzania. We went out to some really nice restaurants for dinner, including a great place that sits on Lake Victoria!
-When Baboons Attack!
As most of you know, Fr. Donnie and I were nearly attacked by a group of ferocious baboons outside of the Serengeti (check out the video on my facebook if you haven’t seen it yet...). My sincerest apologies for the shaky camera work…grabbing bananas took precedence over capturing those awful animals in the act!
-So Long…
We said goodbye to Fr. Dan while in Mwanza. He’s heading back to the states for some much-needed back surgery. Just like Fr. Donnie, Fr. Dan has spent the majority of his life helping out the poor. Moreover, Fr. Dan’s list of accomplishments is quite impressive: He’s worked in UN refugee camps during various civil wars, built the first windmills in the region (which have been very effective in helping to supply water to people), and he’s successfully decreased tensions between two of Tanzania’s most hostile tribes, the Sukuma and Watatulu…So ya, I guess it’s finally time for Fr. Dan to take care of himself
-Welcome Back!
Fr. Ed “SugarDaddy” Schulman came back to Ndoleleji this week. Fr. Ed is an extremely intelligent guy(he has his doctorate in psychology, and he reads ALL the time!). While his kindness is admirable, it creates an impression in some people’s minds that the priests have more than they letting on…Anyway, like I said before, he’s a really good guy, so I guess we’ll just see what happens!
-Food Shopping
I promise to never complain about going to Stop-N-Shop ever again. SugarDaddy Shulman (sorry, I just really like that nickname) asked me to join him to help him get food at the market because the environment is absolutely crazy! For example, random people started asking me if Osama Bin Laden was dead. At first, I nodded my head, however, more and more people seemed to be getting excited over hearing me discuss the subject. I also had a chance to look at a few of the local papers, which had pictures of what definitely looked like fake-autopsy photos, so I wasn’t even sure what was being reported to the people over here. Once we had finished shopping, I jumped in the back of Fr. Donnie’s truck to make sure nobody stole any of our food. As we were pulling away, some dude gave me his best Dwayne Wade impersonation, and hit me in the back with a cheap shot. It didn’t hurt, nonetheless, I was rather displeased…
-Mwanza
On Tuesday, we took the 3-hour trip to Mwanza because Fr. Donnie, Fr. Dan, and Fr. Michael had their bi-annual meetings with the other Maryknoll missionaries that work throughout Tanzania. We went out to some really nice restaurants for dinner, including a great place that sits on Lake Victoria!
-When Baboons Attack!
As most of you know, Fr. Donnie and I were nearly attacked by a group of ferocious baboons outside of the Serengeti (check out the video on my facebook if you haven’t seen it yet...). My sincerest apologies for the shaky camera work…grabbing bananas took precedence over capturing those awful animals in the act!
-So Long…
We said goodbye to Fr. Dan while in Mwanza. He’s heading back to the states for some much-needed back surgery. Just like Fr. Donnie, Fr. Dan has spent the majority of his life helping out the poor. Moreover, Fr. Dan’s list of accomplishments is quite impressive: He’s worked in UN refugee camps during various civil wars, built the first windmills in the region (which have been very effective in helping to supply water to people), and he’s successfully decreased tensions between two of Tanzania’s most hostile tribes, the Sukuma and Watatulu…So ya, I guess it’s finally time for Fr. Dan to take care of himself
-Welcome Back!
Fr. Ed “SugarDaddy” Schulman came back to Ndoleleji this week. Fr. Ed is an extremely intelligent guy(he has his doctorate in psychology, and he reads ALL the time!). While his kindness is admirable, it creates an impression in some people’s minds that the priests have more than they letting on…Anyway, like I said before, he’s a really good guy, so I guess we’ll just see what happens!
-Food Shopping
I promise to never complain about going to Stop-N-Shop ever again. SugarDaddy Shulman (sorry, I just really like that nickname) asked me to join him to help him get food at the market because the environment is absolutely crazy! For example, random people started asking me if Osama Bin Laden was dead. At first, I nodded my head, however, more and more people seemed to be getting excited over hearing me discuss the subject. I also had a chance to look at a few of the local papers, which had pictures of what definitely looked like fake-autopsy photos, so I wasn’t even sure what was being reported to the people over here. Once we had finished shopping, I jumped in the back of Fr. Donnie’s truck to make sure nobody stole any of our food. As we were pulling away, some dude gave me his best Dwayne Wade impersonation, and hit me in the back with a cheap shot. It didn’t hurt, nonetheless, I was rather displeased…
Sunday, May 1, 2011
“Paging Doctor…” Oh Right, Nevermind!
Alright, let’s cut to the chase. This week, I scraped up my knee. Assuming it was no big deal, I went back to playing tennis and waited a few hours to clean the cut…Big Mistake! When I woke up the next morning, my knee looked nasty (I realize that many of you who are reading this are in/ studying to be in the medical field, however, I don’t feel like getting into specifics because this stuff grosses me out, ya freaks!)
Speaking of future professionals in medicine, I attempted to contact Bridget, my caring and compassionate little sister because I had a few questions for her (I was hoping to get some information on the painful meds they put on the wound (I found out that Iodine makes you feel like your leg is on fire). When I realized that it wasn’t getting any better, I considered just having it cut off (That’s really not a joke. There’s a kid down the road with 1 leg because the sleezeball father didn’t take him to the hospital in time—mind you the 50+ yr. old father is the same upstanding individual who bought and subsequently married a 19 yr. old girl—gotta love that dowry…and Craig Stevenson don’t even think about it!) Unfortunately, Bridget, who is like .000001 away from a 4.0 GPA in nursing school, was unavailable because she was preoccupied by the Royal Wedding festivities…Btw, there is absolutely ZERO chance that Prince William could have landed a girl like that in real life…Any guy who has that severe of a receding hairline has one of two choices on the baldness spectrum. On one extreme, you can shave it all off completely. It probably takes some time to get used to but it’s definitely the safer play. Then, on the other side, there’s the Tom Brady hairplug thingamajig route (minus the ponytail)…Quick interesting fact, Brady’s father was briefly studying to become a Maryknoll priest. Fr. Donnie and Fr. Dan know people back in California who are still friends with him. In addition, they can confirm that Bridget Moynihan didn’t tell Brady that she was with child until she found out about him dating Gisele…Ok, you caught me, that’s a lie!).
*In other news, “Juicy” the researcher received a call from Maryknoll on Thursday night from one of the higher-up priests from the organization (Fr. Donnie hates cell phones, so he gave her his…another BIG mistake). Juicy was told to let Fr. Donnie know that an elderly priest had passed away. This recently deceased priest’s first name happened to be “Ed”, which is also the name of a priest who lives out here (he’s currently home recovering from surgery). Since there are not many “Eds” from Africa, Juicy assumed it was him. In addition, she informed the entire nation of Tanzania that this Fr. Ed had unexpectedly died. In all seriousness, Fr. Michael was getting txt’s all day from as far out as Dar es Salaam (on the opposite side of the country).
Speaking of future professionals in medicine, I attempted to contact Bridget, my caring and compassionate little sister because I had a few questions for her (I was hoping to get some information on the painful meds they put on the wound (I found out that Iodine makes you feel like your leg is on fire). When I realized that it wasn’t getting any better, I considered just having it cut off (That’s really not a joke. There’s a kid down the road with 1 leg because the sleezeball father didn’t take him to the hospital in time—mind you the 50+ yr. old father is the same upstanding individual who bought and subsequently married a 19 yr. old girl—gotta love that dowry…and Craig Stevenson don’t even think about it!) Unfortunately, Bridget, who is like .000001 away from a 4.0 GPA in nursing school, was unavailable because she was preoccupied by the Royal Wedding festivities…Btw, there is absolutely ZERO chance that Prince William could have landed a girl like that in real life…Any guy who has that severe of a receding hairline has one of two choices on the baldness spectrum. On one extreme, you can shave it all off completely. It probably takes some time to get used to but it’s definitely the safer play. Then, on the other side, there’s the Tom Brady hairplug thingamajig route (minus the ponytail)…Quick interesting fact, Brady’s father was briefly studying to become a Maryknoll priest. Fr. Donnie and Fr. Dan know people back in California who are still friends with him. In addition, they can confirm that Bridget Moynihan didn’t tell Brady that she was with child until she found out about him dating Gisele…Ok, you caught me, that’s a lie!).
*In other news, “Juicy” the researcher received a call from Maryknoll on Thursday night from one of the higher-up priests from the organization (Fr. Donnie hates cell phones, so he gave her his…another BIG mistake). Juicy was told to let Fr. Donnie know that an elderly priest had passed away. This recently deceased priest’s first name happened to be “Ed”, which is also the name of a priest who lives out here (he’s currently home recovering from surgery). Since there are not many “Eds” from Africa, Juicy assumed it was him. In addition, she informed the entire nation of Tanzania that this Fr. Ed had unexpectedly died. In all seriousness, Fr. Michael was getting txt’s all day from as far out as Dar es Salaam (on the opposite side of the country).
Monday, April 25, 2011
Payback Time (Make Sure to Read the Bottom)
As previously mentioned, Fr. Donnie’s revolving door of “guests” swung open a couple weeks ago, providing me with another a new acquaintance. From the moment of his unannounced arrival (the pastor dropped him off in a hospital van!) I could tell that this was going to be an interesting experience. Simon, a 70 year-old evangelical radio host from Nairobi, Kenya, decided to grace us with his presence until Easter. Not knowing their reasoning at the time, I soon found out why Fr. Dan and Fr. Michael didn’t hurry back to the village after hearing of Simon’s plans.
Ughh Simon, where to begin…Well, let’s just put it this way, he’s essentially a child trapped inside an elderly man’s body. He talks nonstop, whines when he doesn’t get his way, and is probably the most self-absorbed individual that I’ve ever met. Thirdly, Simon is afraid of the dark. He sleeps with the lights on (draining ALL of our solar power by about 10pm). Finally, Simon seals every window shut and covers each of them with curtains because he believes that “witches will come through at night.”
Although Simon’s personality bugged me and I find him annoying, I understand that these characteristics are simply minor inconveniences. The truth is that Simon really bothers me because he took advantage of Fr. Donnie’s generosity and hospitality. For example, he single-handedly depleted the priests’ beer supply in just about a week (it usually takes them over a month). Every night, “Simon the Mooch” complained on cue bout a reoccurring headache that always seemed to follow his drinking. The first few times, I attempted to calmly explain that he may want to lay off the bottle, however, he usually took exception with that, replying “beer is good for you…give me another, grandson” (I’m 99% sure he doesn’t even know my name). At first, I thought his comments were funny, but they gradually became more burdensome than anything else. Thus, in an effort to avoid his nightly nagging, I gave him a Tylenol PM to put him to sleep (I’ve got to admit that I tossed around the idea of slipping him a couple more to put him out for good…).
Well, to my disappointment, Simon did wake up each morning, resulting in the continuation of this reoccurring nightmare. Last night, after a long evening that featured Simon eating an entire bowl chicken by himself (this was supposed to be a major Easter dinner treat for everyone), I was left with an empty stomach and a really bad taste in my mouth. However, that all changed unexpectedly. During the end of one of his rants, emphasizing how he was “greatly appreciated by the whole village”, Simon instructed me to grab a pen and paper. As Simon enthusiastically spewed all of his useless garbage, I waited for him to take a sip of his 4th beer of the night (he was making sure to clean out the fridge before leaving…pretty classy dude). When the moment did arrive, I politely asked him for his e-mail address. Simon cockily responded “I’ll do you one better, Grandson”…Feel free to give our pal a ring:
Cell: +722-441-1248
Ughh Simon, where to begin…Well, let’s just put it this way, he’s essentially a child trapped inside an elderly man’s body. He talks nonstop, whines when he doesn’t get his way, and is probably the most self-absorbed individual that I’ve ever met. Thirdly, Simon is afraid of the dark. He sleeps with the lights on (draining ALL of our solar power by about 10pm). Finally, Simon seals every window shut and covers each of them with curtains because he believes that “witches will come through at night.”
Although Simon’s personality bugged me and I find him annoying, I understand that these characteristics are simply minor inconveniences. The truth is that Simon really bothers me because he took advantage of Fr. Donnie’s generosity and hospitality. For example, he single-handedly depleted the priests’ beer supply in just about a week (it usually takes them over a month). Every night, “Simon the Mooch” complained on cue bout a reoccurring headache that always seemed to follow his drinking. The first few times, I attempted to calmly explain that he may want to lay off the bottle, however, he usually took exception with that, replying “beer is good for you…give me another, grandson” (I’m 99% sure he doesn’t even know my name). At first, I thought his comments were funny, but they gradually became more burdensome than anything else. Thus, in an effort to avoid his nightly nagging, I gave him a Tylenol PM to put him to sleep (I’ve got to admit that I tossed around the idea of slipping him a couple more to put him out for good…).
Well, to my disappointment, Simon did wake up each morning, resulting in the continuation of this reoccurring nightmare. Last night, after a long evening that featured Simon eating an entire bowl chicken by himself (this was supposed to be a major Easter dinner treat for everyone), I was left with an empty stomach and a really bad taste in my mouth. However, that all changed unexpectedly. During the end of one of his rants, emphasizing how he was “greatly appreciated by the whole village”, Simon instructed me to grab a pen and paper. As Simon enthusiastically spewed all of his useless garbage, I waited for him to take a sip of his 4th beer of the night (he was making sure to clean out the fridge before leaving…pretty classy dude). When the moment did arrive, I politely asked him for his e-mail address. Simon cockily responded “I’ll do you one better, Grandson”…Feel free to give our pal a ring:
Cell: +722-441-1248
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Good Friday Edition: Top 10 Ways to Avoid Getting Hung from a Cross
I’m not gonna lie to you, this week has pretty long. My internet package expired on Saturday, and that wasn’t resolved until last night (worst possible timing with the playoffs in full swing). Additionally, we’ve got a new “visitor” (I’ll tell you all about him on Monday or Tuesday), who decided to drop in last Friday, and won’t be leaving until the day after Easter. Anyway, with the entire village in Holy Week mode, “Resurrection-Mania” is in full-swing. Below is this week’s Top 10 Ways to Avoid Crucifixion. Enjoy…and yes I think this confirm that I’ve officially lost my mind!
10.) Make Concessions
-“Look, I’m not going to waver on any of the ‘Son of God’ stuff...However, I’ll lift the ‘No Meat Rule’ AND give you Friday off…C’mon who doesn’t love long weekends???
9.) Break out the Secret Weapon...The Easter Bunny
-“What if I told you that a bunny will come on Sunday and give you a bunch of chocolate…Just come to Church dressed nicely!”
8.) Point out the Competition
-“Uh Hello, has anyone actually taken a look at this guy Barabbas?!”
7.) Stall-
-“Hold on a second, can we push this crucifixion back a few hours?” (Wait it out til 3…I hear that a big storm was on the way).
6.) Idkkkk-
-Sorry, can’t think of one here. Keep going, you’ve got plenty of reading left…
5.) Pull the Unreliable Judas Aside-
- “Look man, if you even think about betraying me, then I’ll tell everybody you prefer kissing dudes on the cheek over handshakes!” (I don’t care who/what you are/believe…that just weirds me out).
4.) Take Away Pontius Pilot’s Bowl of Water…-
-…Thus, making it impossible for him to “wash his hand” of the situation.
3.) Identity Change-
-Lose the beard and the long hair for a while. Sure the swaddling clothes and the technicolored dreamcoat play well in the historical context of the Bible, but I’m trying to get Jesus out of an execution here…There’s no way around it, the 70’s Hippie Jesus look makes you stick out anywhere…especially way back when in Jerusalem.
2.) Call in the Closer…
-“And now introducing the ‘greatest man to ever come from a woman’ (best quote of all time) John the Baptist!” Aside from the fact that everyone thought he was crazy, I honestly don’t know a whole lot about this guy. However, I heard the “greatest man…” line while dozing off at church once and have been hooked ever since. I’m sure he’d be a valuable asset. Besides, are you telling me you wouldn’t want to hang out with a guy who’s got an awesome nickname like that?
1.) Pull a Reverse Lazarus
-During your long and painful struggle carrying the cross, find a weak spot in the crowd. Use the encounter with Mother Mary or Mary Magdalene (Sorry, I sorta forgot this part…and I’m having trouble with Wikipedia) as a distraction. Finally, take a dive, hit all the on-lookers with a large dose of blindness, and book it out of there. “Now ya see me…now ya don’t!”
*Well, after this gem, I think it’s pretty evident why I never got above a C in Religion!
Happy Easter!
10.) Make Concessions
-“Look, I’m not going to waver on any of the ‘Son of God’ stuff...However, I’ll lift the ‘No Meat Rule’ AND give you Friday off…C’mon who doesn’t love long weekends???
9.) Break out the Secret Weapon...The Easter Bunny
-“What if I told you that a bunny will come on Sunday and give you a bunch of chocolate…Just come to Church dressed nicely!”
8.) Point out the Competition
-“Uh Hello, has anyone actually taken a look at this guy Barabbas?!”
7.) Stall-
-“Hold on a second, can we push this crucifixion back a few hours?” (Wait it out til 3…I hear that a big storm was on the way).
6.) Idkkkk-
-Sorry, can’t think of one here. Keep going, you’ve got plenty of reading left…
5.) Pull the Unreliable Judas Aside-
- “Look man, if you even think about betraying me, then I’ll tell everybody you prefer kissing dudes on the cheek over handshakes!” (I don’t care who/what you are/believe…that just weirds me out).
4.) Take Away Pontius Pilot’s Bowl of Water…-
-…Thus, making it impossible for him to “wash his hand” of the situation.
3.) Identity Change-
-Lose the beard and the long hair for a while. Sure the swaddling clothes and the technicolored dreamcoat play well in the historical context of the Bible, but I’m trying to get Jesus out of an execution here…There’s no way around it, the 70’s Hippie Jesus look makes you stick out anywhere…especially way back when in Jerusalem.
2.) Call in the Closer…
-“And now introducing the ‘greatest man to ever come from a woman’ (best quote of all time) John the Baptist!” Aside from the fact that everyone thought he was crazy, I honestly don’t know a whole lot about this guy. However, I heard the “greatest man…” line while dozing off at church once and have been hooked ever since. I’m sure he’d be a valuable asset. Besides, are you telling me you wouldn’t want to hang out with a guy who’s got an awesome nickname like that?
1.) Pull a Reverse Lazarus
-During your long and painful struggle carrying the cross, find a weak spot in the crowd. Use the encounter with Mother Mary or Mary Magdalene (Sorry, I sorta forgot this part…and I’m having trouble with Wikipedia) as a distraction. Finally, take a dive, hit all the on-lookers with a large dose of blindness, and book it out of there. “Now ya see me…now ya don’t!”
*Well, after this gem, I think it’s pretty evident why I never got above a C in Religion!
Happy Easter!
Monday, April 11, 2011
I Think This One May Actually Be Worth Reading!
Over the weekend, I was helping Fr. Donnie clean his house. As we were going through all of his stuff, I came across a 4-page article that had been buried under a stack of papers. After reading the article, I learned about all of the impressive accomplishments that Fr. Donnie had achieved throughout his time in Tanzania. In my opinion, this summary best exemplifies all of the hard work that Fr. Donnie has put into improving the lives of the African people. Thus, I decided to type it out and post it below. Unlike most of the useless nonsense that is typically found on this blog, I think that people will actually get something out of this. With that in mind, grab an extra coffee (sorry, every once in a while my Dunkin Donuts withdrawal rears its ugly head), and take a few minutes to read it for yourself...
With a twinkle in his eye, Fr. Don Sybertz led the way through a blue door into a small compound a stone’s throw from the Ndoleleji Mission. His Research Group, four men and a woman of the local Sukuma tribe, was waiting and on cue burst into a welcome song. With a grin on his face, Don joined them in their dancing and melodic chant. The beautiful songs continued for almost an hour, with Don explaining the meaning and symbolism. The Research Group are some of the brightest members of the local Catholic parish. They shared with this much loved Maryknoll Father the task of collecting African myths and proverbs and interpreting them as Africa Christian Theology.
Born in NORTH WEYMOUTH, Massachusetts in 1928, Don has been living in Tanzania since 1955 as a Maryknoll missionary. With a lifetime’s love and appreciation of Africa, especially the Sukuma tribe, he is deeply inculturated into African folklore and recognizes its parallels with Christianity. A fascination for the subject and being an expert speaker of the Sukuma language, he fully appreciates their oral traditions. He has made a continuing study of how to relate Scripture and the African proverbs, wisdom sayings, stories and parables of the people. This has resulted in the publication of several books in Swahili as evangelization aids for the Tanzanian Church and a major book in English.
One of Fr. Don’s books, “Towards an African Narrative Theology” is published by Orbis. The books’ introduction explains the priests’ journey:
Welcome to a journey into the heart and soul of the African people and cultures. This is the on-going African journey of enculturation and contextualization – rooting the gospel in local African cultures and societies. The guides on this journey are African proverbs, sayings, riddles, stories, myths, plays, songs, cultural symbols, and real life experiences. Through this particular story of an African narrative theology of enculturation we hope to communicate to a wider audience the experience and wisdom of the African people and cultures. This is a concrete step in sharing the theological insights and praxis of the African Church with the World Church and the world society.
This expatriate missionary holds great respect for what he has seen and experienced in Africa and feels compelled to tell others. When asked if it is valid for expatriate missionaries to construct an African Theology, his answer is:
Yes, because we are not writing our own theology from the top down, but we are transmitting the theological reflections and insights of the African people and communities from the grassroots, from the bottom up. This is a process of constructing a local participatory theology. We have tried to codify African experience and wisdom through oral literature and traditions such as proverbs, sayings, riddles, stories, myths, fables, plays, songs, prayers, homilies, sermons, personal testimonies, dreams, and cultural symbols to integeate them with the Christian faith.
In the book there are thousands of proverbs listed, as well as quotes from local African clergy. Sister Anne Nasimiyu-Wasike, L.S.O.S.F. states: The oral literature of the African people is their unwritten Bible. This religious wisdom is found in African idioms, wise sayings, legends, myths, stories, proverbs and oral history.
The theologian Rev. Mbiti adds: Proverbs are a rich source of African Religion and philosophy. They contain and point to a deep spirituality, as well as theological and philosophical insights. In this case they form a bridge between traditional African religiosity and biblical teaching.
Four African proverbs and their biblical parallels show the striking similarity between African wisdom and biblical wisdom.
1.) Sukuma (Tanzania) Proverb: What goes into the stomach is not lasting.
Mark 7: 18-19: Do you not see that whatever goes into a person from outside cannot defile, since it enters, not the heart but the stomach, and goes into the sewer.
2.) Sukuma (Tanzania) Proverb: To laugh at a person with a defective eye while you hide your own defects.
Matthew 7:3: Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eyes, but do not notice the log in your own eye?
3.) Fipa (Tanzania) Proverb: God’s rain falls even on the witch.
Matthew 5:45: Your Father in heaven sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
4.) Kuria (Kenya/Tanzania) and Ngoreme (Tanzania) Proverb: One person is thin porridge or gruel; two or three people are a handul of stuff cooked corn meal.
Ecclesiastes 4:9,12: Two are better than one…A threefold cord is not quickly broken.
In 2007, Don published a small book “Tears of Joy: African Story about Heroes and Monsters.” The story is a creation myth for the Sukuma people who were in danger of being swallowed by a monster Shing’weng’we who was slaughtered by a hero child Masala Kulangwa who became King and Chief of the whole world. John P. Mbonde reviewed the book and this is an extract from his review:
A story, a tale, a myth such as the Sukuma myth of Shing’weng’we and Masala Kulangwa meticulously narrated in Tears Of Joy, can still be used more effectively than a scientific explanation to teach certain metaphysical truths and to give very powerful moral lessons to young people.
It is incredible that after 51 years of extensive research on the rich Sukuma cultural traditions and oral literature (stories, songs, proverbs, riddles, myths, folklore, ect.), the author Father Donald Sybertz, M.M., a Maryknoll Missioner living in Shinyanga, Tanzania, has every reason to rejoice and be congradulated for having such a good command of the Sukuma language and finally helping the full, definitive version of this myth to see the light of day in this 27 page booklet.
In this book, Tears of Joy, the monster appears in the village in the form of a large pumpkin which kept on growing and growing all the time until it become so enormous that all were truly amazed. People ran to get their weapons. The pumpkin suddenly burst open and a monster with long claws and sharp teeth came roaring out. All the people, elders, men and women, boys and girls, children and babies, even cattle and goats were swallowed.
It was the son of the lone woman who escaped from being swallowed by the monster who later killed the monster with a stone. The name of this courageous boy is Masala Kulangwa. It was a great achievement for him and for all the men and women of his Sukuma Ethnic Group who came out of the stomach dancing and singing: “Masala Kulangwa killed him. We are all free and alive again. What a man this Masala Kulangwa is.” They made Masala Kulangwa their Chief and King of the Whole World.
This myth touches the metaphysical problems of death and afterlife. Shing’weng’we is diabolically a terrible monster, apparently unconquerable and without mercy. Every human being must fall victim to him. This is the law from which no one can escape. The monster’s stomach is the symbol of earth (from which comes all fertility). It also symbolizes the tomb where everybody will sooner or later be swallowed (common death).
Father Don Sybertz and his Research Group continued their song and dance. It was an awesome experience. Their joyful faces, swaying bodies and perfect harmonies were just a taster for the visitor, the tip of an immense iceberg of knowledge, faith and understanding which has been carried through generations. It is a testimony to the enthusiasm and intelligence of Father Sybertz that he paid attention and wrote it down for a worldwide audience to appreciate and understand. And to encourage evangelization in an African way.
With a twinkle in his eye, Fr. Don Sybertz led the way through a blue door into a small compound a stone’s throw from the Ndoleleji Mission. His Research Group, four men and a woman of the local Sukuma tribe, was waiting and on cue burst into a welcome song. With a grin on his face, Don joined them in their dancing and melodic chant. The beautiful songs continued for almost an hour, with Don explaining the meaning and symbolism. The Research Group are some of the brightest members of the local Catholic parish. They shared with this much loved Maryknoll Father the task of collecting African myths and proverbs and interpreting them as Africa Christian Theology.
Born in NORTH WEYMOUTH, Massachusetts in 1928, Don has been living in Tanzania since 1955 as a Maryknoll missionary. With a lifetime’s love and appreciation of Africa, especially the Sukuma tribe, he is deeply inculturated into African folklore and recognizes its parallels with Christianity. A fascination for the subject and being an expert speaker of the Sukuma language, he fully appreciates their oral traditions. He has made a continuing study of how to relate Scripture and the African proverbs, wisdom sayings, stories and parables of the people. This has resulted in the publication of several books in Swahili as evangelization aids for the Tanzanian Church and a major book in English.
One of Fr. Don’s books, “Towards an African Narrative Theology” is published by Orbis. The books’ introduction explains the priests’ journey:
Welcome to a journey into the heart and soul of the African people and cultures. This is the on-going African journey of enculturation and contextualization – rooting the gospel in local African cultures and societies. The guides on this journey are African proverbs, sayings, riddles, stories, myths, plays, songs, cultural symbols, and real life experiences. Through this particular story of an African narrative theology of enculturation we hope to communicate to a wider audience the experience and wisdom of the African people and cultures. This is a concrete step in sharing the theological insights and praxis of the African Church with the World Church and the world society.
This expatriate missionary holds great respect for what he has seen and experienced in Africa and feels compelled to tell others. When asked if it is valid for expatriate missionaries to construct an African Theology, his answer is:
Yes, because we are not writing our own theology from the top down, but we are transmitting the theological reflections and insights of the African people and communities from the grassroots, from the bottom up. This is a process of constructing a local participatory theology. We have tried to codify African experience and wisdom through oral literature and traditions such as proverbs, sayings, riddles, stories, myths, fables, plays, songs, prayers, homilies, sermons, personal testimonies, dreams, and cultural symbols to integeate them with the Christian faith.
In the book there are thousands of proverbs listed, as well as quotes from local African clergy. Sister Anne Nasimiyu-Wasike, L.S.O.S.F. states: The oral literature of the African people is their unwritten Bible. This religious wisdom is found in African idioms, wise sayings, legends, myths, stories, proverbs and oral history.
The theologian Rev. Mbiti adds: Proverbs are a rich source of African Religion and philosophy. They contain and point to a deep spirituality, as well as theological and philosophical insights. In this case they form a bridge between traditional African religiosity and biblical teaching.
Four African proverbs and their biblical parallels show the striking similarity between African wisdom and biblical wisdom.
1.) Sukuma (Tanzania) Proverb: What goes into the stomach is not lasting.
Mark 7: 18-19: Do you not see that whatever goes into a person from outside cannot defile, since it enters, not the heart but the stomach, and goes into the sewer.
2.) Sukuma (Tanzania) Proverb: To laugh at a person with a defective eye while you hide your own defects.
Matthew 7:3: Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eyes, but do not notice the log in your own eye?
3.) Fipa (Tanzania) Proverb: God’s rain falls even on the witch.
Matthew 5:45: Your Father in heaven sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
4.) Kuria (Kenya/Tanzania) and Ngoreme (Tanzania) Proverb: One person is thin porridge or gruel; two or three people are a handul of stuff cooked corn meal.
Ecclesiastes 4:9,12: Two are better than one…A threefold cord is not quickly broken.
In 2007, Don published a small book “Tears of Joy: African Story about Heroes and Monsters.” The story is a creation myth for the Sukuma people who were in danger of being swallowed by a monster Shing’weng’we who was slaughtered by a hero child Masala Kulangwa who became King and Chief of the whole world. John P. Mbonde reviewed the book and this is an extract from his review:
A story, a tale, a myth such as the Sukuma myth of Shing’weng’we and Masala Kulangwa meticulously narrated in Tears Of Joy, can still be used more effectively than a scientific explanation to teach certain metaphysical truths and to give very powerful moral lessons to young people.
It is incredible that after 51 years of extensive research on the rich Sukuma cultural traditions and oral literature (stories, songs, proverbs, riddles, myths, folklore, ect.), the author Father Donald Sybertz, M.M., a Maryknoll Missioner living in Shinyanga, Tanzania, has every reason to rejoice and be congradulated for having such a good command of the Sukuma language and finally helping the full, definitive version of this myth to see the light of day in this 27 page booklet.
In this book, Tears of Joy, the monster appears in the village in the form of a large pumpkin which kept on growing and growing all the time until it become so enormous that all were truly amazed. People ran to get their weapons. The pumpkin suddenly burst open and a monster with long claws and sharp teeth came roaring out. All the people, elders, men and women, boys and girls, children and babies, even cattle and goats were swallowed.
It was the son of the lone woman who escaped from being swallowed by the monster who later killed the monster with a stone. The name of this courageous boy is Masala Kulangwa. It was a great achievement for him and for all the men and women of his Sukuma Ethnic Group who came out of the stomach dancing and singing: “Masala Kulangwa killed him. We are all free and alive again. What a man this Masala Kulangwa is.” They made Masala Kulangwa their Chief and King of the Whole World.
This myth touches the metaphysical problems of death and afterlife. Shing’weng’we is diabolically a terrible monster, apparently unconquerable and without mercy. Every human being must fall victim to him. This is the law from which no one can escape. The monster’s stomach is the symbol of earth (from which comes all fertility). It also symbolizes the tomb where everybody will sooner or later be swallowed (common death).
Father Don Sybertz and his Research Group continued their song and dance. It was an awesome experience. Their joyful faces, swaying bodies and perfect harmonies were just a taster for the visitor, the tip of an immense iceberg of knowledge, faith and understanding which has been carried through generations. It is a testimony to the enthusiasm and intelligence of Father Sybertz that he paid attention and wrote it down for a worldwide audience to appreciate and understand. And to encourage evangelization in an African way.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
The WitchDoctor
Over the last few weeks, the big news in Tanzania and Kenya has been about this 76 year-old witchdoctor who claims to have the cure for AIDS. Mchungaji Ambilikile Mwasapile or,“Babu”(grandfather in Swahili) is a retired pastor from a rural village outside of Arusha. According to multiple sources, the “cure” is essentially a cup of tea mixed with an herb. Thousands of people from the surrounding areas (including this village) have taken the journey to see him. Unfortunately, at least 52 people have died from various complications (I'm assuming that a bunch of sick people living in already unsanitary living conditions presents certain health risks). Moreover, during last week’s trip to Shinyanga, we encountered a huge crowd outside of the city’s main hospital as we were picking up one of the villagers. Later, we found out that the government was investigating one of Babu’s patients. The crowd had formed outside of the medical facility because one of the fifty-two bodies was being autopsied. To his credit, Babu only charges 500 schillings (about 30 cents USD) per person. Although this price is not outrageous, I’m going to leave my opinion on the matter at the door because as the saying goes…”If you’ve got nothing nice to say, then don’t saying anything at all!”
Okay, well enough of the facts, (we’ll leave that to the official SeanWhiteTZ Chief Foreign Affairs Correspondent, Nicole Nalepa. Check her out on the western Mass NBC affiliate, WWLP 22News. And yes, contrary to popular belief, people do live west of Natick. Sure most of them are married to their cousins, but I digress…). Personally, I’m more interested in the whole concept of a “WitchDoctor.” Furthermore, if I don’t have a job by the time I come home, I may be exploring this occupation more seriously…Can you say Craig’s List??
Name: SeaNzungu
-If you can't beat 'em, might as well join 'em.
Description/Appearance: Off the top of my head, I think the best way to describe a WitchDoctor would be for you to close your eyes and visualize the “Jesus Guy.” Every summer he stands outside of Fenway, holding up signs and passing out those pamphlets that urge us to “Repent” or else we’ll be subjected to eternal damnation. Anyway, the point here is that he’s a marketing machine…and as much as you don’t want to admit it, you’ll never truly be able to erase the image of the “Jesus Guy” from your mind.
Product: Deodorant
I’ll keep this short and sweet. When priority #1 is putting food on the table, personal hygiene takes back seat. I’m not gonna lie, I had been warned about the BO, however, my faulty intel had assured me that I’d stop noticing the smell after a few weeks. Well I got here in Feb. and it’s now April…not much has changed. If anyone feels compelled to contact CVS and request like a 1,000 packs of deodorant(Norty, this could be a golden opportunity for P&G to control the East African market!), I think I could coordinate a sweet UN Peacekeeping-Style ” Deodorant Drop!”
Okay, well enough of the facts, (we’ll leave that to the official SeanWhiteTZ Chief Foreign Affairs Correspondent, Nicole Nalepa. Check her out on the western Mass NBC affiliate, WWLP 22News. And yes, contrary to popular belief, people do live west of Natick. Sure most of them are married to their cousins, but I digress…). Personally, I’m more interested in the whole concept of a “WitchDoctor.” Furthermore, if I don’t have a job by the time I come home, I may be exploring this occupation more seriously…Can you say Craig’s List??
Name: SeaNzungu
-If you can't beat 'em, might as well join 'em.
Description/Appearance: Off the top of my head, I think the best way to describe a WitchDoctor would be for you to close your eyes and visualize the “Jesus Guy.” Every summer he stands outside of Fenway, holding up signs and passing out those pamphlets that urge us to “Repent” or else we’ll be subjected to eternal damnation. Anyway, the point here is that he’s a marketing machine…and as much as you don’t want to admit it, you’ll never truly be able to erase the image of the “Jesus Guy” from your mind.
Product: Deodorant
I’ll keep this short and sweet. When priority #1 is putting food on the table, personal hygiene takes back seat. I’m not gonna lie, I had been warned about the BO, however, my faulty intel had assured me that I’d stop noticing the smell after a few weeks. Well I got here in Feb. and it’s now April…not much has changed. If anyone feels compelled to contact CVS and request like a 1,000 packs of deodorant(Norty, this could be a golden opportunity for P&G to control the East African market!), I think I could coordinate a sweet UN Peacekeeping-Style ” Deodorant Drop!”
Sunday, April 3, 2011
The Gold Digger
Wow, I just Google’d “What’s the date” and still can't believe that it's already April! I didn’t do a whole lot of traveling this week because we spent most of the time working on the research project. I won’t bore you with the administrative details, however, I’ll just let you know that it’s moving along quite nicely!
On Tuesday I went to Shinyanga with Fr. Donnie to do some errands. Due to the fact that this trip was filled with distractions, we didn’t exactly get everything done on the list. For example, we stopped the Tanzania Immigration to re-new my visa until August. To our surprise, the officers informed us that I would need to physically leave to country and come back in, if I wanted to stay. So that means I can either go take a long bus trip to Nairobi, Kenya or make the leisurely journey to two of the most spectacular vacation spots on Earth, Burundi (had a civil-war in the 1990’s) or Rwanda (I think we all know what happened there). Anyway, let me know if anybody has a preference.
With that said, we did successfully accomplish one major objective: we tracked down the “gold-digger”. As we left around 7am, Fr. Donnie explained to me that a woman, who had worked as one of his researchers, fled Ndoleleji after taking a substantial amount of his money. Primarily concerned about her well-being, Fr. Donnie repeatedly contacted the woman, but failed to reach her every time. Recently, Fr. Donnie had received word that the woman was working in Shinyanga as a potato farmer. Dog the Bounty Hunter (I mean Fr. Donnie) and the rest of us invaded the woman’s neighborhood. After grabbing two random kids who apparently knew the woman and throwing them into the truck, (the total number of passangers now being 14…including Fr. Donnie and I), we were directed to where she usually works. Unfortunately, we were unable to confront the woman, but now there’s like 10 witnesses who gave the same account…As far as I’m concerned the case is closed!
On Tuesday I went to Shinyanga with Fr. Donnie to do some errands. Due to the fact that this trip was filled with distractions, we didn’t exactly get everything done on the list. For example, we stopped the Tanzania Immigration to re-new my visa until August. To our surprise, the officers informed us that I would need to physically leave to country and come back in, if I wanted to stay. So that means I can either go take a long bus trip to Nairobi, Kenya or make the leisurely journey to two of the most spectacular vacation spots on Earth, Burundi (had a civil-war in the 1990’s) or Rwanda (I think we all know what happened there). Anyway, let me know if anybody has a preference.
With that said, we did successfully accomplish one major objective: we tracked down the “gold-digger”. As we left around 7am, Fr. Donnie explained to me that a woman, who had worked as one of his researchers, fled Ndoleleji after taking a substantial amount of his money. Primarily concerned about her well-being, Fr. Donnie repeatedly contacted the woman, but failed to reach her every time. Recently, Fr. Donnie had received word that the woman was working in Shinyanga as a potato farmer. Dog the Bounty Hunter (I mean Fr. Donnie) and the rest of us invaded the woman’s neighborhood. After grabbing two random kids who apparently knew the woman and throwing them into the truck, (the total number of passangers now being 14…including Fr. Donnie and I), we were directed to where she usually works. Unfortunately, we were unable to confront the woman, but now there’s like 10 witnesses who gave the same account…As far as I’m concerned the case is closed!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
The Dowry
Unlike in the United States, marriage in Tanzania is not exactly the same mutually agreed upon institution that we all understand. Over here, a guy can pick any girl he wants to marry in exchange for a certain amount of cows. On paper, the dowry appears awesome (for example, you could buy Kim Kardashian for a like a bazillion Chloe’s…Oops I meant cows!), however, when you start to think about it, the whole idea is totally screwed up. With that said, why get negative about this subject when we could do something fun instead. Listed below are the Cow Ratings (Let’s call them “C-Ratings”...a scale based out of 100 cows...) for a bunch of famous people.
Charlie Sheen- 70 Cows- What better way to kick things off than with Charlie Sheen… After nearly losing it all, he's has made an unprecedented run of epic proportions. From the bits and pieces that I’ve been able to gather, he’s risen above those fools at CBS for firing him , and now he has made $7 million after booking a comedy tour that’s sold out across the country. Although I still don't get his new catch-phrase, it looks like he's “Winning” over the nation!
Tilikum, the 6-ton killer whale-90 Cows.
This one is for Jim Kelly. Remember last year, when you selected him as “Not the Man” (it was a segment for the WSC radio show) after he killed his trainer? Well, buddy, looks like Tilikum is free and back on the prowl at SeaWorld…Hope he doesn’t know how to use Google-Wale!
Barry Bonds- 15 Cows- Under oath, your mistress just testified that you took steroids. Cyaaaa
Jose Canseco- 10 Cows- Shame on you for trying to fool us into thinking your twin brother, Ozzie, could stand in for you during your celebrity boxing match. Actually, this is pointless. Obviously, shame doesn’t come into the equation with you. Aren’t you the same guy that’s offering to explain yourself (pending that we call a number charging 5.99/per minute)?
Jackie Chan: 75 Cows- After people made up the rumor of his death, we can all take satisfaction in knowing that he’s still kicking!
Rebecca Black…I honestly don’t know much about this girl, but she’s dominating my news feed. Since the internet is slow over here, I sadly rely on fb to see what’s going on outside of this tiny village…and unfortunately it’s HER!
VCU & Butler: 85 Cows- We had to have a feel good story somewhere in here.
Snookie:- 1 Cow- If it looks like a cow, and acts like a cow…Then it probably IS A COW!
Charlie Sheen- 70 Cows- What better way to kick things off than with Charlie Sheen… After nearly losing it all, he's has made an unprecedented run of epic proportions. From the bits and pieces that I’ve been able to gather, he’s risen above those fools at CBS for firing him , and now he has made $7 million after booking a comedy tour that’s sold out across the country. Although I still don't get his new catch-phrase, it looks like he's “Winning” over the nation!
Tilikum, the 6-ton killer whale-90 Cows.
This one is for Jim Kelly. Remember last year, when you selected him as “Not the Man” (it was a segment for the WSC radio show) after he killed his trainer? Well, buddy, looks like Tilikum is free and back on the prowl at SeaWorld…Hope he doesn’t know how to use Google-Wale!
Barry Bonds- 15 Cows- Under oath, your mistress just testified that you took steroids. Cyaaaa
Jose Canseco- 10 Cows- Shame on you for trying to fool us into thinking your twin brother, Ozzie, could stand in for you during your celebrity boxing match. Actually, this is pointless. Obviously, shame doesn’t come into the equation with you. Aren’t you the same guy that’s offering to explain yourself (pending that we call a number charging 5.99/per minute)?
Jackie Chan: 75 Cows- After people made up the rumor of his death, we can all take satisfaction in knowing that he’s still kicking!
Rebecca Black…I honestly don’t know much about this girl, but she’s dominating my news feed. Since the internet is slow over here, I sadly rely on fb to see what’s going on outside of this tiny village…and unfortunately it’s HER!
VCU & Butler: 85 Cows- We had to have a feel good story somewhere in here.
Snookie:- 1 Cow- If it looks like a cow, and acts like a cow…Then it probably IS A COW!
Saturday, March 26, 2011
The Big “Annunce”ment
AS WE ALL KNOW, Thursday officially marked the night that the angel Gabriel snuck into Mary’s room claiming to be sent by God (I’m sorry, but the only image that comes to mind whenever I think about this is the Elizabeth Smart abduction…Relax, she’s okay now, and he’s locked up for good). Not even pretending to hold back, Gabe informed Mary that she’d be with child in a matter of months. As Mary was probably scratching her head, Gabriel also notified her about the unconventional manner in which this whole operation would go down. Finally, the angel decides to drop one last bombshell on Mary, telling her that she’ll be giving birth to the Messiah.
Quite honestly, this whole situation confuses me. I feel like God could have conveyed his message more effectively. First of all, since the meeting with Gabriel occurred exactly 9 months before Christmas, she must’ve looked pregnant, right? Is somebody seriously going to believe her story about how it happened? “So I had this dream and an angel named Ga…ya okay Mare!” Secondly, what’s going on with Joseph? He starts noticing Mary getting bigger and doesn’t get a little suspicious? (I bet things would be different if Maury was around…“And the paternity tests are in…Joseph you are NOT the father!). Lastly, where were Mary’s mom and dad during this time? I’ve never heard of Jesus’ grandparents. So by my calculations, young Mary was a single mother with an on-again off-again relationship…Well done MTV, what a clever way to tie the Bible into 16 & Pregnant!
Quite honestly, this whole situation confuses me. I feel like God could have conveyed his message more effectively. First of all, since the meeting with Gabriel occurred exactly 9 months before Christmas, she must’ve looked pregnant, right? Is somebody seriously going to believe her story about how it happened? “So I had this dream and an angel named Ga…ya okay Mare!” Secondly, what’s going on with Joseph? He starts noticing Mary getting bigger and doesn’t get a little suspicious? (I bet things would be different if Maury was around…“And the paternity tests are in…Joseph you are NOT the father!). Lastly, where were Mary’s mom and dad during this time? I’ve never heard of Jesus’ grandparents. So by my calculations, young Mary was a single mother with an on-again off-again relationship…Well done MTV, what a clever way to tie the Bible into 16 & Pregnant!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Tuesday Morning Headlines
Top Story:
-“Battle of the Bush”
-John the Cook v. Fr. Donnie
-Tensions are boiling over as Padre Dinardi and the veteran chef duke it out.
-John, who has somehow managed to hold his position for over 20 years, may be seeing his reign coming to end (Fr. Donnie hired a 2nd cook, Elizabeti, to work weekends).
-Elizabeti who always has a smile on her face has done a really good job, and Fr. Donnie has taken note.
-Personally, I wouldn't mind to see Fr. Donnie make the move (This will ease my suspicions that John has slowly been plotting to starve me after I accidently locked him out of the house the first day I got here!).
Weather:
-When it Rains it Pours…It literally hasn’t stopped raining here since Saturday night!
-After returning from a visit to a local parish, Fr. Michael's car got stuck in the mud...it took out 8 cows to pull him out!
-Sports:
-On Sunday, I watched some intense March Madness action…from 1995 (The ACC Championship between Wake and UNC).
-Apparently, the state-run Tanzanian T.V. stations would rather give ESPN Classic a run for its money than actually broadcast something of substance!
-However, it was interesting to see how the likes of Tim Duncan (Couldn't quite grow a beard yet, but was in desperate need of some Clearasil), Jerry Stackhouse (Overrated), and Rasheed Wallace (Ya, you could see that he was going to make his mark on the more "technical" aspects of the NBA) played in college.
Editor's Note:
-I just figured out that there's a "stats" page that keeps track of who reads the blog. Not that I care about how many people actually read this thing (at last count 1,365), but I did notice that I'm pretty big in the nation of Hungary.
-“Battle of the Bush”
-John the Cook v. Fr. Donnie
-Tensions are boiling over as Padre Dinardi and the veteran chef duke it out.
-John, who has somehow managed to hold his position for over 20 years, may be seeing his reign coming to end (Fr. Donnie hired a 2nd cook, Elizabeti, to work weekends).
-Elizabeti who always has a smile on her face has done a really good job, and Fr. Donnie has taken note.
-Personally, I wouldn't mind to see Fr. Donnie make the move (This will ease my suspicions that John has slowly been plotting to starve me after I accidently locked him out of the house the first day I got here!).
Weather:
-When it Rains it Pours…It literally hasn’t stopped raining here since Saturday night!
-After returning from a visit to a local parish, Fr. Michael's car got stuck in the mud...it took out 8 cows to pull him out!
-Sports:
-On Sunday, I watched some intense March Madness action…from 1995 (The ACC Championship between Wake and UNC).
-Apparently, the state-run Tanzanian T.V. stations would rather give ESPN Classic a run for its money than actually broadcast something of substance!
-However, it was interesting to see how the likes of Tim Duncan (Couldn't quite grow a beard yet, but was in desperate need of some Clearasil), Jerry Stackhouse (Overrated), and Rasheed Wallace (Ya, you could see that he was going to make his mark on the more "technical" aspects of the NBA) played in college.
Editor's Note:
-I just figured out that there's a "stats" page that keeps track of who reads the blog. Not that I care about how many people actually read this thing (at last count 1,365), but I did notice that I'm pretty big in the nation of Hungary.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Don’t Mess with the Nzungu!
This week has been both busy and productive. While I regret to inform you all that I’ve been unable to schedule time for more profound biblical interpretations, I guess that it was time to get down to business.
Aside from the day-to-day responsibilities, I have had the opportunity to explore the village extensively. As I traveled to different places, I have also begun to recognize certain words whenever I pass by…most notably “Nzungu.”
Fr. Donnie told me that the word Nzungu translated to something along the lines of “A White European.” In addition, he assured me that nothing about the term was derogatory, however, I got the impression that this explanation may not necessarily apply to everyone. First of all, I can’t stand being referred to anything resembling a European (I think this is what Asian people feel like when others automatically label them “Chinese”). The only thing that comes to my mind when I hear Nzungu is that Euro-Weenie, Llama-Faced Forward, Los Angeles Laker Lackey, Pau Gasol (check out all that alliteration…and some people critique this blog for its lack of educational value). Although they’ve probably been calling me it since the day I got here, I do notice that the term is frequently used around me. Most of the time I just brush it off and ignore it altogether. However, that wasn’t the case a couple of nights ago during tennis. As I was playing, I heard a group of older gentlemen pointing at me from far away, repeatedly calling me a Nzungu. Maybe it’s just because I wasn’t playing well at the time, but I fired a ball into the group, and hit the guy that was bugging me (I found out later that he was stumbling back from Happy Hour). Everybody laughed.
I want to make the point that 99% of the people over here treat me with respect. This is the only time where I have even felt a little bit of discomfort. Point is, it doesn’t matter where you go there’s always going to be people that want to get a rise out of you…Sometimes you just need to hit them right back in the face with a tennis ball.
Aside from the day-to-day responsibilities, I have had the opportunity to explore the village extensively. As I traveled to different places, I have also begun to recognize certain words whenever I pass by…most notably “Nzungu.”
Fr. Donnie told me that the word Nzungu translated to something along the lines of “A White European.” In addition, he assured me that nothing about the term was derogatory, however, I got the impression that this explanation may not necessarily apply to everyone. First of all, I can’t stand being referred to anything resembling a European (I think this is what Asian people feel like when others automatically label them “Chinese”). The only thing that comes to my mind when I hear Nzungu is that Euro-Weenie, Llama-Faced Forward, Los Angeles Laker Lackey, Pau Gasol (check out all that alliteration…and some people critique this blog for its lack of educational value). Although they’ve probably been calling me it since the day I got here, I do notice that the term is frequently used around me. Most of the time I just brush it off and ignore it altogether. However, that wasn’t the case a couple of nights ago during tennis. As I was playing, I heard a group of older gentlemen pointing at me from far away, repeatedly calling me a Nzungu. Maybe it’s just because I wasn’t playing well at the time, but I fired a ball into the group, and hit the guy that was bugging me (I found out later that he was stumbling back from Happy Hour). Everybody laughed.
I want to make the point that 99% of the people over here treat me with respect. This is the only time where I have even felt a little bit of discomfort. Point is, it doesn’t matter where you go there’s always going to be people that want to get a rise out of you…Sometimes you just need to hit them right back in the face with a tennis ball.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
The Gospel...According to Sean
Today was pretty low-key. Fr. Michael went out early because he was holding Mass a few hours away. Fr. Lang and Fr. Dan were gone for the weekend to visit the Watatulu people (a neighboring tribe that has been at odds with the Sukuma people…Fr. Dan has spent years trying to smooth things over). Finally, Fr. Donnie had an off-week, so he invited me to his house to celebrate Mass.
To all of you heathens out there who are still recovering from St. Patty’s Day, below is the Sparknotes version of what you missed at church today:
Summary/ What to Take from the Readings:
Blame Adam! Everybody’s read that Genesis story about how God warned Adam against being greedy. Rather than simply accepting God’s advice of remaining faithful, Adam ADAMantly (hmm…I wonder if that’s how we got that word!) refuses to comply. Ultimately, Adam’s nagging pushes God over the edge and past the point of no return. Fr. Donnie said that this is where the notion of original sin comes from. Moreover, he mentioned that original sin is the reason why bad things happen all over the world. Nice work Adam…If only Jack Bauer was around back in the day. This dude deserved some serious interrogation-style treatment after causing such a disaster!
Summary/ What to Take from the Gospel:
So here, we have a visit from our good friend, the Devil. Jesus is doing his thing (walking on water, curing blindness, just a normal day’s work), when the devil decides to rain on his parade. Thinking he can exceed God’s offer of eternal salvation, the devil tempts Jesus with pretty much everything imaginable. Obviously, he doesn’t bite, seeing the bigger picture. One question I do have is: why wouldn’t Jesus just lie and double-cross the devil? It’s not like Survivor, where you’d feel bad about backstabbing the other guy…it’s the devil! After the devil found out, Jesus would be in the driver’s seat, so he obviously wouldn’t have to give back all of the material wealth in the world, so it would be in better hands anyway…I honestly don’t think it’s a sin, but even if God wasn’t happy about it, couldn’t Jesus just tie up loose ends during confession???
Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace,
Sean
To all of you heathens out there who are still recovering from St. Patty’s Day, below is the Sparknotes version of what you missed at church today:
Summary/ What to Take from the Readings:
Blame Adam! Everybody’s read that Genesis story about how God warned Adam against being greedy. Rather than simply accepting God’s advice of remaining faithful, Adam ADAMantly (hmm…I wonder if that’s how we got that word!) refuses to comply. Ultimately, Adam’s nagging pushes God over the edge and past the point of no return. Fr. Donnie said that this is where the notion of original sin comes from. Moreover, he mentioned that original sin is the reason why bad things happen all over the world. Nice work Adam…If only Jack Bauer was around back in the day. This dude deserved some serious interrogation-style treatment after causing such a disaster!
Summary/ What to Take from the Gospel:
So here, we have a visit from our good friend, the Devil. Jesus is doing his thing (walking on water, curing blindness, just a normal day’s work), when the devil decides to rain on his parade. Thinking he can exceed God’s offer of eternal salvation, the devil tempts Jesus with pretty much everything imaginable. Obviously, he doesn’t bite, seeing the bigger picture. One question I do have is: why wouldn’t Jesus just lie and double-cross the devil? It’s not like Survivor, where you’d feel bad about backstabbing the other guy…it’s the devil! After the devil found out, Jesus would be in the driver’s seat, so he obviously wouldn’t have to give back all of the material wealth in the world, so it would be in better hands anyway…I honestly don’t think it’s a sin, but even if God wasn’t happy about it, couldn’t Jesus just tie up loose ends during confession???
Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace,
Sean
Saturday, March 12, 2011
March Madness…And Some Other Stuff
Due to the fact that I’m currently halfway across the world, this will be the first year in a very long time that I will be unable to participate in March Madness. However, the guys over at the Sean White Bureau of Statistics (SWBS…wow, has there ever been a more appropriate abbreviation?!) have developed a fool-proof formula to guarantee you victory in your office pool. Aside from doing a bunch of fancy math (Ya, I Ace’d my statistics class…that I took during summer break…for two weeks...in order to wipe-out my math requirement…at Quincy College), the SWBS has developed brand-new, state-of-the-art technology to ensure maximum success. The African Association App. (available now for your Iphone) selects the winner of each game based on the first thing that comes to my mind when the field is announced on Sunday night. For example, nobody even knows who will be in the Tuesday “play-in” game yet, but I can already tell you how the SWBS will rank them:
Round: 1
Seeds: Play-In Game
African Association App. Results:
Match-Up: “Chicken v. Mosquito (w/ malaria…just to make it interesting).”
Outcome: The chicken’s tremendous size advantage appears overwhelming during the first-half. However, the chicken’s lack of focus and “cockiness” lead to the mosquito’s comeback, narrowly squeaking out the victory.
Now that I’ve got you thinking sports, I need some updates! We have a satellite that picks up a bunch of news channels from all around the world, however, they do lack big time in their sports coverage. The Japanese stations are obviously a bit preoccupied with the Earthquake/Tsunami, Al-Jazeera (or should I say Al-“I<3 Mommar Kadafi”) is still kissing the Libyan dictator’s “Madako” (according to my tutor, that’s ‘buttocks’, in Swahili/Sukuma), and I can’t even begin to comprehend what’s going on with the Indian stations. Come to think of it, the only sports coverage I have seen was a figure skating story on the Korean station from “Sports Guy”, Jimmy Wu (No relation to Kenny Wu from the Mighty Ducks).
As I reflect back on this month-long drought of American sports, I think I’ve finally realized why people around the world actually like soccer. When the only alternative to “Ice-Dancing” is watching 0-0 ties, girly-man dives, and dudes excessively weeping regardless of the outcome, I guess soccer isn’t that bad after all…Oh wait never mind, I still don’t get. I’d honestly rather suffer through 3 minutes of a Johnny Weir routine than waste my time watching the “world’s most beautiful game.”
Round: 1
Seeds: Play-In Game
African Association App. Results:
Match-Up: “Chicken v. Mosquito (w/ malaria…just to make it interesting).”
Outcome: The chicken’s tremendous size advantage appears overwhelming during the first-half. However, the chicken’s lack of focus and “cockiness” lead to the mosquito’s comeback, narrowly squeaking out the victory.
Now that I’ve got you thinking sports, I need some updates! We have a satellite that picks up a bunch of news channels from all around the world, however, they do lack big time in their sports coverage. The Japanese stations are obviously a bit preoccupied with the Earthquake/Tsunami, Al-Jazeera (or should I say Al-“I<3 Mommar Kadafi”) is still kissing the Libyan dictator’s “Madako” (according to my tutor, that’s ‘buttocks’, in Swahili/Sukuma), and I can’t even begin to comprehend what’s going on with the Indian stations. Come to think of it, the only sports coverage I have seen was a figure skating story on the Korean station from “Sports Guy”, Jimmy Wu (No relation to Kenny Wu from the Mighty Ducks).
As I reflect back on this month-long drought of American sports, I think I’ve finally realized why people around the world actually like soccer. When the only alternative to “Ice-Dancing” is watching 0-0 ties, girly-man dives, and dudes excessively weeping regardless of the outcome, I guess soccer isn’t that bad after all…Oh wait never mind, I still don’t get. I’d honestly rather suffer through 3 minutes of a Johnny Weir routine than waste my time watching the “world’s most beautiful game.”
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
“Kick-Ash” Mid-Week Recap!
Monday –
Fr. Michael brought over his fancy all-in-one DVD/Projector/Hard Drive-Modem Thingamajig (yup it’s most certainly a word), and played the movie “Blood Diamond.” I had already seen “Blood Diamond” but it was actually pretty interesting to watch it after being around the environment for a month. Monday Movie Night was out of control! We didn’t get out until after 11pm and…I’m going to leave it at that for fear of further censorship.
Earlier that evening, Fr. Donnie and I were on opposing teams for tennis. He’s been playing consistently ever since I got here and it’s really beginning to show. He’s becoming so confident, or dare I say cocky, that he’s even started trash-talking his opponents. (He may have left North Weymouth, but North Weymouth sure hasn’t left him!).
Tuesday-
Almost burned the house down. I inadvertently hooked the positive-charged wire where the negative-charged wire was supposed to go (as you can tell, I’m an expert at these types of things), creating a rather large spark that could’ve very well ended the 99 year-old Ndolelejii mission about a month before their centennial anniversary celebration.
Wednesday-
I spent most of the day working with Fr. Donnie’s research team and tying proverbs into the computer. When I came in from playing tennis, the priests were watching Al-Jazeera, which meant one thing: the power was not going to last long. I fell asleep earlier than usual, failing to grab my Ipod. I woke up at 4am because a hyena was really close to my window (not exactly the same soothing sound as the ocean). As I looked around, I noticed that there was a puddle forming under my door. When I opened the door I saw that the water was streaming out from the wall. Not quite at the urge of balling my eyes out (Miami Heat reference), I held myself together and mopped up the mess. During breakfast, Fr. Dan told me that this was the main source of our clean water, and that they had tried to fix the problem themselves a while back. So, I guess we'll see what happens! Finally, I went to the 10am Ash Wednesday Mass. Off to play tennis!
-Sean
P.S.
*Sean’s Path to Democratizing Africa Update:
Phase 1: Implement the “Hi-5” as an acceptable means of communication.
-Complete.
Next Up:
Phase 2: Convince kids that American football is WAY better than Soccer…This one may take a while.
Fr. Michael brought over his fancy all-in-one DVD/Projector/Hard Drive-Modem Thingamajig (yup it’s most certainly a word), and played the movie “Blood Diamond.” I had already seen “Blood Diamond” but it was actually pretty interesting to watch it after being around the environment for a month. Monday Movie Night was out of control! We didn’t get out until after 11pm and…I’m going to leave it at that for fear of further censorship.
Earlier that evening, Fr. Donnie and I were on opposing teams for tennis. He’s been playing consistently ever since I got here and it’s really beginning to show. He’s becoming so confident, or dare I say cocky, that he’s even started trash-talking his opponents. (He may have left North Weymouth, but North Weymouth sure hasn’t left him!).
Tuesday-
Almost burned the house down. I inadvertently hooked the positive-charged wire where the negative-charged wire was supposed to go (as you can tell, I’m an expert at these types of things), creating a rather large spark that could’ve very well ended the 99 year-old Ndolelejii mission about a month before their centennial anniversary celebration.
Wednesday-
I spent most of the day working with Fr. Donnie’s research team and tying proverbs into the computer. When I came in from playing tennis, the priests were watching Al-Jazeera, which meant one thing: the power was not going to last long. I fell asleep earlier than usual, failing to grab my Ipod. I woke up at 4am because a hyena was really close to my window (not exactly the same soothing sound as the ocean). As I looked around, I noticed that there was a puddle forming under my door. When I opened the door I saw that the water was streaming out from the wall. Not quite at the urge of balling my eyes out (Miami Heat reference), I held myself together and mopped up the mess. During breakfast, Fr. Dan told me that this was the main source of our clean water, and that they had tried to fix the problem themselves a while back. So, I guess we'll see what happens! Finally, I went to the 10am Ash Wednesday Mass. Off to play tennis!
-Sean
P.S.
*Sean’s Path to Democratizing Africa Update:
Phase 1: Implement the “Hi-5” as an acceptable means of communication.
-Complete.
Next Up:
Phase 2: Convince kids that American football is WAY better than Soccer…This one may take a while.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Free Form Friday
Since nothing about this week has been normal, we’re going to keep today’s post pretty casual…
Today, we welcomed an actual guest to Ndoleleji, Fr. John Lang (picture the old guy from the movie “UP”). Fr. Lang is a visiting priest from Nairobi, Kenya, and will be staying with us for about a month. He is originally from Minnesota, so Fr. Donnie and I made fun of the fact that Boston always takes Minnesota’s best players (Kevin Garnett, David Ortiz, ect…), and turns them into champions. Now Fr. Lang is a very nice guy, however, he’s in his 80’s just like Fr. Donnie and Fr. Dan. Between the three of them, very little gets accomplished. During conversations, at least one of the three usually becomes disoriented, due to the fact that they either missed a dose of their medications or forgot to put in their hearing aids (Mame…I know that you are reading this!). Good thing none of them know how to use the internet!
Well, that’s pretty much all I’ve got (unless you want to hear about how it’s 80 and sunny every day). Oh, one thing that I have noticed over here is that people never say “God Bless You”(or the Swahilli/Sukuma words for it) after somebody sneezes…There ya go, this proves that my blog is always leading the way in the educating you about Africa!
-Sean
P.S.
I would like to inform everybody that I, Sean White, have brought the “Hi-5” to the Third World! Stay tuned for details!
Today, we welcomed an actual guest to Ndoleleji, Fr. John Lang (picture the old guy from the movie “UP”). Fr. Lang is a visiting priest from Nairobi, Kenya, and will be staying with us for about a month. He is originally from Minnesota, so Fr. Donnie and I made fun of the fact that Boston always takes Minnesota’s best players (Kevin Garnett, David Ortiz, ect…), and turns them into champions. Now Fr. Lang is a very nice guy, however, he’s in his 80’s just like Fr. Donnie and Fr. Dan. Between the three of them, very little gets accomplished. During conversations, at least one of the three usually becomes disoriented, due to the fact that they either missed a dose of their medications or forgot to put in their hearing aids (Mame…I know that you are reading this!). Good thing none of them know how to use the internet!
Well, that’s pretty much all I’ve got (unless you want to hear about how it’s 80 and sunny every day). Oh, one thing that I have noticed over here is that people never say “God Bless You”(or the Swahilli/Sukuma words for it) after somebody sneezes…There ya go, this proves that my blog is always leading the way in the educating you about Africa!
-Sean
P.S.
I would like to inform everybody that I, Sean White, have brought the “Hi-5” to the Third World! Stay tuned for details!
Thursday, March 3, 2011
The Roommate
Remember that Dane Cook skit about the “creepy guy” at work who always seems to follow you to the next place you go? Well for me, that guy’s name is Isaiah.
Late Tuesday afternoon, Isaiah appeared at my door with a suitcase in his hand. Nobody had told me that we were having a visitor this week, so I walked him up the road to Fr. Donnie’s house. When Fr. Donnie answered the door, he also glanced at Isaiah with a puzzled look on his face. They talked for a while in Sukuma until Fr. Donnie was finally able to kinda-sorta identify this guy. According to our new friend, Fr. Donnie had said Mass in Isaiah’s village many years ago (we’re talking decades!), given him his contact information, and invited him to stay in Ndolelelji. As we walked back to my residence, Fr. Donnie whispered to me, “I always invite people to come from far away, but I never thought anybody would actually take me up on the offer!”
Maybe it’s just me but this whole situation screamed sketchy! What grown man takes a 6 hour bus ride from his hometown of Shinyanga all the way to Nodolelelji, to accept an invitation that was allegedly provided to him during his childhood?!
Over the next couple days, Isaiah talked and talked…talked. He informed us that he was a Benedictine Monk. Fr. Dan and Fr. Donnie both seemed fascinated with this development, and spent a lot of time discussing it with him in Sukuma. However, he also mentioned that he had spent much of his life working as an electrician. I noticed that Fr. Michael possessed a far different demeanor from the moment that he met Isaiah. Fr. Michael appeared to be listening and concentrating a lot more than Fr. Donnie and Fr. Dan, which made me tend to suspect that there were holes in Isaiah’s story.
When I woke up this morning, Isaiah was gone. The priests aren’t sure why but they noticed that Isaiah caught the 6:30am bus out of here, as they were going to their morning prayer. Many questions will remain unanswered. Why did he arrive and subsequently depart without telling anyone? Is he really a Benedictine or is he an electrician? Or the most important question of all: Why did he steal a box of my Ritz crackers???
Late Tuesday afternoon, Isaiah appeared at my door with a suitcase in his hand. Nobody had told me that we were having a visitor this week, so I walked him up the road to Fr. Donnie’s house. When Fr. Donnie answered the door, he also glanced at Isaiah with a puzzled look on his face. They talked for a while in Sukuma until Fr. Donnie was finally able to kinda-sorta identify this guy. According to our new friend, Fr. Donnie had said Mass in Isaiah’s village many years ago (we’re talking decades!), given him his contact information, and invited him to stay in Ndolelelji. As we walked back to my residence, Fr. Donnie whispered to me, “I always invite people to come from far away, but I never thought anybody would actually take me up on the offer!”
Maybe it’s just me but this whole situation screamed sketchy! What grown man takes a 6 hour bus ride from his hometown of Shinyanga all the way to Nodolelelji, to accept an invitation that was allegedly provided to him during his childhood?!
Over the next couple days, Isaiah talked and talked…talked. He informed us that he was a Benedictine Monk. Fr. Dan and Fr. Donnie both seemed fascinated with this development, and spent a lot of time discussing it with him in Sukuma. However, he also mentioned that he had spent much of his life working as an electrician. I noticed that Fr. Michael possessed a far different demeanor from the moment that he met Isaiah. Fr. Michael appeared to be listening and concentrating a lot more than Fr. Donnie and Fr. Dan, which made me tend to suspect that there were holes in Isaiah’s story.
When I woke up this morning, Isaiah was gone. The priests aren’t sure why but they noticed that Isaiah caught the 6:30am bus out of here, as they were going to their morning prayer. Many questions will remain unanswered. Why did he arrive and subsequently depart without telling anyone? Is he really a Benedictine or is he an electrician? Or the most important question of all: Why did he steal a box of my Ritz crackers???
Monday, February 28, 2011
Jerry Springer Tanzania: “My Man’s Got 2 Babymommas!”
Preface: My apologies for missing last night’s blog. Long day yesterday. Hopefully, after reading this entry, you will understand why my head hit the pillow right when I got back to the house!
Yesterday, I traveled to the village of Msanga with Fr. Michael. Fr. Michael is a pretty interesting guy. He grew up in Vietnam, moved with his family to Southern California, and has since devoted his life to helping the people of East Africa, arguably the world’s most vulnerable population. Aside from single-handedly keeping the Ndolelejii mission afloat, Fr. Michael is also responsible for the parishes’ 14 outstations (outstations are smaller churches that hold services for people who would normally be unable to attend Mass). Thus, Fr. Michael certainly has a difficult job. With that being said, I had no idea how hard his job was until yesterday, when we made a surprise visit to the house of...The Adulterer.
As we approached this fine gentleman’s humble abode, I noticed the sky begin to darken with ominous looking clouds. We got out of the car, and the Adulterer greeted us with a warm smile across his face. Attempting to not judge him based on gossip alone, I shook his hand politely. As soon as I let go from the handshake, a procession of kids followed that would make Antonio Cromartie, the Octomom, and John & Kate Gosselin all look like nominees for parents of the year! According to Fr. Michael, the adulterer had 5 children with his wife and 2 others with his acquaintance.
All in all, Fr. Michael seemed satisfied with the results from their initial meeting. He mentioned that the adulterer wanted to work things out with his wife, and she was graciously willing to abide (FYI: Women don’t exactly have an equal playing field over here…please refrain from any title IX jokes..Thanks!). Nevertheless, there’s still a lot of work to do and we will all remain cautiously optimistic!
-Sean
Yesterday, I traveled to the village of Msanga with Fr. Michael. Fr. Michael is a pretty interesting guy. He grew up in Vietnam, moved with his family to Southern California, and has since devoted his life to helping the people of East Africa, arguably the world’s most vulnerable population. Aside from single-handedly keeping the Ndolelejii mission afloat, Fr. Michael is also responsible for the parishes’ 14 outstations (outstations are smaller churches that hold services for people who would normally be unable to attend Mass). Thus, Fr. Michael certainly has a difficult job. With that being said, I had no idea how hard his job was until yesterday, when we made a surprise visit to the house of...The Adulterer.
As we approached this fine gentleman’s humble abode, I noticed the sky begin to darken with ominous looking clouds. We got out of the car, and the Adulterer greeted us with a warm smile across his face. Attempting to not judge him based on gossip alone, I shook his hand politely. As soon as I let go from the handshake, a procession of kids followed that would make Antonio Cromartie, the Octomom, and John & Kate Gosselin all look like nominees for parents of the year! According to Fr. Michael, the adulterer had 5 children with his wife and 2 others with his acquaintance.
All in all, Fr. Michael seemed satisfied with the results from their initial meeting. He mentioned that the adulterer wanted to work things out with his wife, and she was graciously willing to abide (FYI: Women don’t exactly have an equal playing field over here…please refrain from any title IX jokes..Thanks!). Nevertheless, there’s still a lot of work to do and we will all remain cautiously optimistic!
-Sean
Friday, February 25, 2011
A Day in the Life
7:00am- Wake Up Call
-From the many different animals that scream outside my window at this absurd hour.
7:30am- Breakfast
-Usually cereal, eggs & toast.
-About once a week we do get BACON!
8:00am-8:30am- TV Time
-Depending on the amount of solar power that is left from the previous day, we usually are able to squeeze out about a half hour of news from the BBC.
*The TV guy was supposed to come yesterday, but never showed up. This was an inconvenience because Fr. Dan cancelled his plans for the day in order to let him in the house (Sounds a lot like the COMCAST guy!).
9:00am- Carpool w/ Fr. Donnie to the Office
9:01am- Arrive at the Office
-Fr. Donnie drives down the road (about 2 houses away), picks me up in his truck, and our commute begins…and ends.
9:01am-12:00pm- Organize Fr. Donnie’s Lifetime Compilation of Biblical Research
-Fr. Donnie employs about 5 or 6 people as members of his research team.
-They are a very personable group, who seem to really enjoy helping Fr. Donnie in his ministry.
-Unfortunately, they have never really learned how to properly organize data…and I’m pretty sure that they would all be diagnosed with ADHD in the US.
-Thus, I am in charge of this daunting task (…and yes, I know, that large collective “gulp” from all of you is completely justified).
-Let’s just put it this way: Muyunga and other member of the research team have already started referring to me as “Meester Sean”, and “Boss.”
12:00pm-1:00pm-Lunch
-Usually consists of leftovers from the night before in the form of soup.
1:00pm-6:00pm- Siesta
-Since I do currently reside among priests who are in their 80s, they usually sleep during this 5 hour period of time.
-I usually go for a run and/or explore Africa!
6:00pm-8:00pm- Tennis with Padre Dinardi
-Fr. Donnie kicks everybody off the court so he can get his exercise.
-Actually, he’s pretty good. I’d like to see the elders in Weymouth/Marco Island face-off against him (And yes…there is video evidence to prove it!).
8:00pm-10:00pm-Dinner
-We usually eat a lot of rice, beans, vegetables, and a chicken or something that I saw walking around the yard earlier on in the day.
-One thing that I have really grown to enjoy is rice w/ honey on it!
10:00pm-11:30-Surf the internet
-Catch up with my peeps!
11:30-Midnight
-Go to bed.
-From the many different animals that scream outside my window at this absurd hour.
7:30am- Breakfast
-Usually cereal, eggs & toast.
-About once a week we do get BACON!
8:00am-8:30am- TV Time
-Depending on the amount of solar power that is left from the previous day, we usually are able to squeeze out about a half hour of news from the BBC.
*The TV guy was supposed to come yesterday, but never showed up. This was an inconvenience because Fr. Dan cancelled his plans for the day in order to let him in the house (Sounds a lot like the COMCAST guy!).
9:00am- Carpool w/ Fr. Donnie to the Office
9:01am- Arrive at the Office
-Fr. Donnie drives down the road (about 2 houses away), picks me up in his truck, and our commute begins…and ends.
9:01am-12:00pm- Organize Fr. Donnie’s Lifetime Compilation of Biblical Research
-Fr. Donnie employs about 5 or 6 people as members of his research team.
-They are a very personable group, who seem to really enjoy helping Fr. Donnie in his ministry.
-Unfortunately, they have never really learned how to properly organize data…and I’m pretty sure that they would all be diagnosed with ADHD in the US.
-Thus, I am in charge of this daunting task (…and yes, I know, that large collective “gulp” from all of you is completely justified).
-Let’s just put it this way: Muyunga and other member of the research team have already started referring to me as “Meester Sean”, and “Boss.”
12:00pm-1:00pm-Lunch
-Usually consists of leftovers from the night before in the form of soup.
1:00pm-6:00pm- Siesta
-Since I do currently reside among priests who are in their 80s, they usually sleep during this 5 hour period of time.
-I usually go for a run and/or explore Africa!
6:00pm-8:00pm- Tennis with Padre Dinardi
-Fr. Donnie kicks everybody off the court so he can get his exercise.
-Actually, he’s pretty good. I’d like to see the elders in Weymouth/Marco Island face-off against him (And yes…there is video evidence to prove it!).
8:00pm-10:00pm-Dinner
-We usually eat a lot of rice, beans, vegetables, and a chicken or something that I saw walking around the yard earlier on in the day.
-One thing that I have really grown to enjoy is rice w/ honey on it!
10:00pm-11:30-Surf the internet
-Catch up with my peeps!
11:30-Midnight
-Go to bed.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Shopping in Mwasi
I just got back from a crazy trip to the Mwasi Market. Last night, Fr. Donnie informed me that we would be running some errands in the nearby village this afternoon. Until that point, I hadn’t even thought about where somebody goes if they need basic supplies that we would casually pick up at a Wal-Mart, Stop-N-Shop, or CVS. With that being said, the market also provided quite possibly the best concept that I’ve ever heard of…A Cow Sale!!! Fr. Donnies explained to me that that all the locals bring down their cows and sell them, straight up for cash! Apparently, the going rate for a cow is 200,000 Tanzanian Schillings (Tsh), which comes out to about $100.00 US. I think I’m going to buy like 10 of them, and lead my herd throughout the village. Then, when I don’t feel like taking care of the cows anymore (which will be like a day), I’ll make sure everybody gets cheeseburgers and steak for the rest of my time in Africa!
-Sean
-Sean
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Per Order of the Matriarch
So…my mom wants me to blog more. I guess she believes that informing all of the “Sean-aholics” about what I had for breakfast is more important than making Fr. Donnie’s lifetime compilation of work electronically accessible. All kidding aside, below is what I had for breakfast…and Jim Gaffigan's insightful analysis (This is for you Dad!)
Bacon
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CaK9bjLy3v4
P.S.
I apologize for not having any pictures or videos posted on this blog. I’ve tried countless times but it just doesn’t seem to work. Luckily, I have been able to upload a lot of content through facebook. For those of you who are STILL unfamiliar with this worldwide phenomenon, all you have to do is click the link, set up an account, and add me as a ”friend”
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=45405159
Bacon
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CaK9bjLy3v4
P.S.
I apologize for not having any pictures or videos posted on this blog. I’ve tried countless times but it just doesn’t seem to work. Luckily, I have been able to upload a lot of content through facebook. For those of you who are STILL unfamiliar with this worldwide phenomenon, all you have to do is click the link, set up an account, and add me as a ”friend”
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=45405159
Sunday, February 20, 2011
We Could’ve Used a GPS Today…
This morning, Fr. Donnie invited me to a nearby village where he was celebrating Mass. The trip wasn’t bad, and we arrived on time. The people had a lot of energy, as they sang songs and danced throughout the service. After Mass had ended, the pastor invited us back to his hut to for lunch. While the pastor was extremely kind to me, I could see the writing on the wall…I was about to experience the dreaded “community bowl.” Immediately, I realized my two options: either eat the fly-invested dish with my hands (after others had done the same), or respectfully decline. I chose the ladder. As lunch was ending, the pastor recommended that we take a short-cut instead of making the 30 minute commute back to Ndolelejji.
Unfortunately, we took the pastor up on his advice. As we turned onto what we thought was a finished road, we noticed that the entire surface had been plowed. Rather than turning around and taking the the “long way”, Fr. Donnie kept driving, electing to periodically pull up next to some random person’s shack and ask them for directions. Before we knew it, we were in the middle of nowhere, aimlessly We driving through the desert landscape for nearly two hours. Finally, we stopped this guy who was herding cows and asked him if he knew how to get back to Ndolelejii. He claimed that he did, and we put him in the back seat of the truck (I wonder what happened to all of his cows). Although his directions were far from perfect, we got where we needed to be. On a side note, Fr. Donnie didn’t appreciate that the guy asked for money as we were parting ways, so he ended up dumping the guy off on the side of the rode.
Unfortunately, we took the pastor up on his advice. As we turned onto what we thought was a finished road, we noticed that the entire surface had been plowed. Rather than turning around and taking the the “long way”, Fr. Donnie kept driving, electing to periodically pull up next to some random person’s shack and ask them for directions. Before we knew it, we were in the middle of nowhere, aimlessly We driving through the desert landscape for nearly two hours. Finally, we stopped this guy who was herding cows and asked him if he knew how to get back to Ndolelejii. He claimed that he did, and we put him in the back seat of the truck (I wonder what happened to all of his cows). Although his directions were far from perfect, we got where we needed to be. On a side note, Fr. Donnie didn’t appreciate that the guy asked for money as we were parting ways, so he ended up dumping the guy off on the side of the rode.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Stayin Alive
Dear Blogosphere,
As I write to you under my malaria net, I'd like you all to take a quick moment to appreciate living in a civilized society. Over the past week, I lost electricity and water. At first, I was really "turned off" at the thought of having no power(see what I did there?!). I even had to resort to reading a book in its entirety! Actually, I've got to recommend Mitch Albom's "Have a Little Faith in Me" (You're Welcome Mother) to anybody who wants a quick read. With that being said, the water was the major inconvenience. Luckily, I was able to avoid any real situations because Fr. Donnie's house was able to withstand the "Great Drought of 2011", but it's not something I want to go through again!
I've gotta say, while I have been uncomfortable throughout my first week, I am not completely miserable. For one thing, the entire village follows me where ever I go! A couple days ago, I tried to sneak out of the house to go and play tennis with this kid, Madageesa, whose about my age. Within 10 minutes, the entire court was packed with people. Obviously, many kids haven't individuals that fit my description, so I get a wide variety and looks. Once they realize that I'm not an alien they get comfortable very quickly. Finally, all of the people are really appreciative of the donations that were made in their behalf. Specifically, many of them are thankful for all of the tennis equipment!
Goodnight America,
Sean
As I write to you under my malaria net, I'd like you all to take a quick moment to appreciate living in a civilized society. Over the past week, I lost electricity and water. At first, I was really "turned off" at the thought of having no power(see what I did there?!). I even had to resort to reading a book in its entirety! Actually, I've got to recommend Mitch Albom's "Have a Little Faith in Me" (You're Welcome Mother) to anybody who wants a quick read. With that being said, the water was the major inconvenience. Luckily, I was able to avoid any real situations because Fr. Donnie's house was able to withstand the "Great Drought of 2011", but it's not something I want to go through again!
I've gotta say, while I have been uncomfortable throughout my first week, I am not completely miserable. For one thing, the entire village follows me where ever I go! A couple days ago, I tried to sneak out of the house to go and play tennis with this kid, Madageesa, whose about my age. Within 10 minutes, the entire court was packed with people. Obviously, many kids haven't individuals that fit my description, so I get a wide variety and looks. Once they realize that I'm not an alien they get comfortable very quickly. Finally, all of the people are really appreciative of the donations that were made in their behalf. Specifically, many of them are thankful for all of the tennis equipment!
Goodnight America,
Sean
Sunday, February 13, 2011
I Made It!
Today was my first full day in Ndoleleji. I spent my first night in this hostel that is run by a local parish Mwanza. A couple of Fr. Don's helpers took me to see Lake Victoria and around the local market.
After arriving last night, I slept 15 hours, and spent the rest of the day unpacking. I am living in s pretty large house, which is about a 5 minute walk from the main Maryknoll complex. It's alread amazing to see how much work Fr. Donnie (from NORTH Weymouth), Fr. Michael, and Fr. Dan have put in throughout their lives to help the people here.
The solar powered lights just went out for the night, which means I'll be getting to bed soon. There are 2 guards that are stationed in front of my house, so it looks like the hyenas will need to go through the back if they want a piece of me!
Talk to you soon,
Sean
P.S. Let's go Celtics...keep me posted on how they're doin against the Heat!
After arriving last night, I slept 15 hours, and spent the rest of the day unpacking. I am living in s pretty large house, which is about a 5 minute walk from the main Maryknoll complex. It's alread amazing to see how much work Fr. Donnie (from NORTH Weymouth), Fr. Michael, and Fr. Dan have put in throughout their lives to help the people here.
The solar powered lights just went out for the night, which means I'll be getting to bed soon. There are 2 guards that are stationed in front of my house, so it looks like the hyenas will need to go through the back if they want a piece of me!
Talk to you soon,
Sean
P.S. Let's go Celtics...keep me posted on how they're doin against the Heat!
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