Saturday, July 23, 2011

Happy Birthday Fr. Donnie!

Today, Fr. Donnie celebrated his 84th birthday. In his typical self-less fashion, he moved the “festivities” back a week, to ensure that we all had a proper send-off next Sunday (I’m still contemplating buying a cow…but I’m not sure if I can go through with the whole slaughtering part of it!). It’s pretty amazing that Fr. Donnie is back near 100% just about 2 years after his cancer diagnosis. Like I said, there isn’t a lot going on tonight to celebrate his birthday, however, he is getting a cake and he was happy to hear that the Red Sox got past King Felix last night (More importantly, he also made contact with Ruthie!).

As the time is drawing to an end, I’m beginning to transition into the “re-entry” phase of this experience. I’m not sure whether or not I’ll freak out or something when I see white people walking down the street or tall buildings, but I’m definitely expecting that it will be an adjustment. All I know is that I’ve gained a lot of appreciation for what I used to take for granted (seeing people who live in mud huts function normally kind of makes things like the NFL labor mess look silly…but seriously, I better have football back when I get home!). Ok, enough with the life lessons and stupid clichés, I’ve got better things to do…

Due to the fact that my internet package expires tomorrow, this could very well be my last post until I come home. If this the final time that I communicate with the rest of civilization, I’d like to sincerely thank everybody for keeping me sane over the last 6 months (you were the reason I was able to slowly crawl out of the fetal position those first few weeks!).

P.S. Cya on the 20th (Yes, even you, weird Malyasian dude who always reads this thing! You’re absolutely expected to be in attendance!)

Monday, July 18, 2011

A Little Bit of Everything!

The Proposal:-
Remember Charles (the crazy guy with the uncomfortably high pitched voice)? Well, he re-appeared on Sunday night…and he attempted to buy Stephanie into wifehood (Sorry, I still can’t think of a way to make the dowry sound normal). So Charles, who had his game-face on throughout the whole negotiation, set the price at 2 cows (I’d like to add that he was wearing a 7-11 hat(probably trying to save cash up for a Big Gulp). As you can probably guess, Charles’ asking price wasn’t exactly met with the reaction that he was hoping for…

Wataturu Visit:
-Last Wednesday, we traveled to the the Wataturu land and camped out overnight. As I was setting up my tent, I discovered a holes in the lining. Although I wasn’t thrilled with the prospect of snakes, ect… crawling in while I was asleep, I didn’t really have another option, so I popped a couple Tylenol PMs and cranked up my IPOD. Fr. Michael woke us up to watch the sunrise, which was really cool. All in all, a good adventure!

-Crazy Pentacostals:
The day after Chris and Garrett arrived, a large RangeRover pulled into the village. Just as we were sitting down for breakfast, out marched this GUY named Torrie (never trust a guy with a girl’s name…who also has an uncanny resemblance to the lead singer from the Fray). Torrie, the self-proclaimed “leader” of a group of Pentacostals, based out of California, approached the house with Bible in hand. As he began introducing his posse to us (shooting out scriptural references left and right...), I noticed that they kept this African woman in the back of the car. When Torrie finally did take a breath, I asked him why she wasn’t outside with all of us (I was secretly hoping he’d turn around in her direction and yell back “Where were you?”…if ya don’t get, you’re old). He told me that she didn’t feel comfortable to come out with us….blah blah blah… Although we’ll never know what her deal was, I think it was symbolic of what sometimes goes on over here. Without going into too much more detail, there’s a lot of people who go into these areas in an attempt to make a quick buck…also, a major reason why East Africa hasn’t really been able to get on its feet. It just gives me a greater appreciation for Fr. Donnie’s work.

“Shoulda Gone to Yale!”:
-By now, I think everybody knows that my IQ is about half of Stephanie’s. For example, she’s picked up more of the language in a couple months than I have in four. This week, however, I think we reached a new level…With the internet being essentially dead, Steph discovered that Minesweeper came with my computer. A couple days ago, I gave the game a try after lunch and lost (just like EVERYONE else…one interesting note: the explosions…WHEN YOU LOSE…are way cooler in the updated version).

Unfortunately, I made the mistake of leaving my laptop in Stephanie’s house that afternoon. After our nightly prayer (clearly my favorite evening activity…), she attempted to teach me how to play because “it’s really easy and all you need to do is use logic and common sense…” Lo and behold, I never got past EASY and even the EXPERT Minesweeper got frustrated with my lack of logic and common sense (For what it’s worth she also does ADULT puzzle books for fun...Probably gonna get in trouble for this...cyaaaaa)

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Get Ready to OD on Religiousness!

-The Decision-
Sooooo… I just made a big mistake. A couple days ago, I noticed that the Pope joined Twitter. Naturally, I thought that it would be funny to follow him. However, now Ratz is hooked and has been tweeting nonstop about a bunch of stupid stuff. Thus, I’ve unintentionally arrived at the following ethical dilemma: Can I just “Unfollow” the Pope? I mean, the dude’s bragging about where he’s spending his extravagant vacations while I’m barely eating enough rice to get through the night!

-Sad News…
I’m no longer the biggest, most intimidating looking white guy in the village! The two seminarians, Garrett and Chris, arrived in Ndolelejii yesterday (They are studying in Rome and have just finished up their 2nd year in the seminary). Prior to seeing them in person, I pictured these guys to be nerdy...Well I wrongggg…Chris has an eerie resemblance to how I’ve always imagined Paul Bunyan would look. Garrett, also a mid-western, corn-fed white boy (that one’s for Nick T…and for everyone else: i know, it's like calling the kettle black, or in my case, white! But, ya Garrett is from Montana. Interestingly, Garrett didn’t know who Drew Bledsoe was. What else is there to know about Montana other than that?!

- Fr. Donnie Drank Kerosene during Mass and Showered in it too!
The headline says it all! I mean, I always knew Fr. Donnie was a lot tougher than most people. Sure, a bunch of 83 year-olds hang out in Africa...after surviving cancer...but this just solidifies his legacy. Can you seriously find anything on the list of “Chuck Norris-isms” that would trump Fr. Donnie’s weekly activities? Good luck with that, ‘ cause it ain’t happenin!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Welcome Home Whitey!

Sorry for the week-long blog absence. Last week was rather hectic, however, things are getting back to normal. Anyways, there’s no point in getting too reflective when work still needs to be done, so here’s the headlines…Oh ya, and a quick shout-out to the Malayasian dude that keeps reading this thing…Ya I see you! (Note: I’ve got some really good videos and pictures from this weekend, so check out my facebook for those).

RIP Malaria:
-I regret to inform you all that our cat will not be coming down for breakfast (and yes we named the cat Malaria after last week’s events). Although we are still unsure of what exactly happened to the stupid cat (“paka” in Swahili), the only conclusion that I’ve been able to draw from his demise is that everybody’s health is improving. Good Riddance!

Hamna Pipi (“No Candy”…Is it bad that I still laugh when the kids ask for pipi…pronounced “peepee”?):
-In a little over a month, Stephanie has handed out 740 Dum-Dum Lollipops (There are literally 10 left). I’m pretty sure she’s gotten every kid in the village!

1st Communion-A-Palooza/Corpus Christi:
-Sunday was absolutely crazy. A bunch of people from the neighboring villages came to Ndolelejii for Mass. Over 150 kids received their First Communions, which was niiiice…(Btw, official Mass Time: 5+ Hours…but who’s counting right?!). Later that day, Fr. Michael, Stephanie, and I attended a First Communion party for the daughter of the primary school’s Head Teacher. While everybody was very kind to us, the party featured uncomfortably close, male-on-male “straight” dancing (no girls allowed…I’m not kidding…). All I could think about was that picture of Tyler Seguin and Noseface breaking it down on the bar…

-In addition, we took part in the village-wide Corpus Christi celebration. I’ll be honest, the only thing that I knew about Corpus Christi was that it was some place in Texas. For whatever reason, Fr. Michael was visibly disappointed in my lack of knowledge on the subject (even going as far as asking me: “How much money did your parents spend on your education?”…I always thought that the Irish were the only people that drilled guilt down your throat…

…Speaking of Stereotypes:
-What better way to end this entry than welcoming Whitey home! Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to keep up with this story because the internet has been awful this week. Was he really just hanging out in LA without a car? All I know is that there’s gonna be a lot of seniors claiming memory loss…In my opinion, we should crack down on everybody over the age of 80. Replace the ‘War on Drugs’ with the ‘War on Old People’(…and you know how much I hate hippies!)

P.S.:
White Men CAN Jump:
-Oops…I almost forgot the most important thing of all. Today, I can confidently state the following: “Sean White (Note 3rd person emphasis) is the best basketball player in the village.” Seriously though, Sean White thinks that this comment will be valid for like a day. Sean White is very impressed with how quickly the kids picked up the game…Ok, it’s getting obnoxious. In closing, I can absolutely see a couple Dikembe Mutumbos cropping up in the future!

P.S.S. (I swear this is it!):
-The basketball court has officially been weed’ed out. Although the hoops are made out of bamboo and there are no backboards yet, I decided blow up a few balls and play around with the kids. Thanks again to St. Jerome’s for the donations. The kids are having a blast!

Friday, June 17, 2011

Stuff We Did This Week: Stanley Cup Edition

-Shopping for Sugarcane:-
On Tuesday, we took a trip down to the river (without that weird dude Charles) to attend to some important business. Stephanie brought some kids to help us negotiate a fair price for the “Muwa” (sugarcane). Although we caused a pretty big scene, it seemed like the people in the village enjoyed the excitement. I think we paid pretty close to market value (1,000 Tsch…Less than $1 USD) for the 3 huge sticks of muwa.

- Thanks Chapman:- On Wednesday, we connected with Chapman Middle School in Weymouth. Once again, the Weymouth schools brought their A game! (Still unemployed…just sayin!) Thanks again, to Mr. Miller and his class!

-Half Chicken, Half Duck:- Move over Napoleon Dynamite, there’s a new animal that’s replaced the “Liger” I don’t even know what to call this thing…It has the body of a duck, but chicken feathers!

-Conflicting Dreams:- Ok, so apparently Jesus made an appearance in Stephanie’s dream the other night. Coincidently, I also had a powerful revelation the same night…I ate a bacon egg cheese croissant and washed it down w/ a large ice coffee(Ya, I know this is a pretty good indicator of a variety of things…)

-The 39 Year Curse of Dale Arnold is Over:- Congrats to the B’s on the huge win! I’m not gonna lie, the Bruins were definitely 4th on my sports barometer (I still know more about them than most Miami fans know about the HEAT…Get out while you still can Israel!), however, the one thing that I can take credit for is getting Dale Arnold off the air. You see, just about a week after I left for Africa, WEEI shook up their line-up and removed the most boring radio personality on the face of the Earth. While I am still unable to find a direct link between the two, many signs point to this scenario being significant! Finally (and most importantly), hit the streets hard tomorrow and enjoy the parade!

P.S. I spotted a Dora the Explorer van in Mwanza a couple weeks ago. Unfortunately, Tanzania doesn’t allow me to send pictures from my cell phone to the Web. Honestly, I think this would be the perfect mode of transportation for Adolpho’s Drunken Recaps…Visual evidence will be available in August!

P.S.S. I’m going to do my best to try and find Canucks “Championship” memorabilia…Please forward me along any possible 3rd World markets that you hear about as potential locations!

Saturday, June 11, 2011

The Week That Was…

This week, Fr. Donnie, Stephanie and I made a surprise trip to Mwanza. Fr. Donnie had to a few errands to take care of, so he invited us to travel with him. Although we spent most of our time in the car, here are a few highlights:

-Dining on Lake Victoria: Fr. Donnie took us to this restaurant that sits right on the water. I ordered a steak and it was AWESOME!

-Web Chat with Weymouth High: This was pretty cool. We connected with Ms. Curran’s class for a video chat. The students had a lot of good questions. Feel free to contact us if you’d like to try and set something up...Why aren’t we charging for this??

-$55 USD on Candy: The title says it all. Stephanie and I found this store called the “U-Turn” that had an entire room filled with chocolate! In a moment of weakness, we grabbed as much candy as possible and ended up dropping an egregious amount of money. We’re currently hiding the stash in an undisclosed location back in the village…pretty much like the scene in Heavyweights!

-Street Court: Speaking of movies and TV, we found the greatest show of all time on one of the satellite. From what we’ve been able to piece together, the basic premise of “Street Court” is as follows: This dude from the NYC/ NJ area, “Judge Mazz”, finds people who are fighting on the street and offers his input on how the conflict should be resolved. I’m really not doing you any justice by explaining it, so I’ll just post an episode of it on my facebook.

*P.S. This just in: African babies freak out whenever they see white people. Thus, we’ve decided to start keeping track of how many babies cry at our very sight…So far the we’re at 12…Stay tuned for updates!

Monday, June 6, 2011

Just Say No!

Disclaimer: If you have a weak stomach, it might make sense to skip today’s blog…

Yesterday, I discovered that a WORM was living inside of me. Although the very thought of it still makes me want to puke, I would like everyone to know that I’m getting better now so nobody needs to worry (except for the worm). It’s weird, when you’re passed out on the floor after throwing up ALL night, a lot of things go through your head… “I wonder what time it is”, “Maybe Jack Kevorkian wasn’t as crazy we all thought” (RIP Doc), “I would’ve totally rather had my finger bitten off by Alex Burrows”, ect...With that being said, the prevailing thought that was running throughout my mind was this: “So, I’m finally paying the price after my mom wrote my AWARD-WINNING DARE essay!” (Sorry Mrs. Puleo). In hindsight, my feelings of remorse are mainly due to the fact that my web of lies has finally caught up with me. Had I simply “DARE’d to be Different”(rather than caving under the peer pressure from Fr. Donnies’ researchers to join them for mid-morning tea) I would’ve never found myself in this predicament...Oh well, looks like I should figure