TGIF

This week has flown by! Last Friday, we picked up Fr. Donnie’s grand-niece, Stephanie, in Mwanza. For the few of you who don’t know, she came over here with my mom, Fr. Donnie’s sister, Ruth, and another Weymouth High adjustment counselor, Kelly, a couple of years ago. As expected, Stephanie is way more popular than I am over here, and it’s only been 3 days!

It’s been pretty funny sitting back, and watching the reactions of the local people when they introduce themselves to her. “For example” (Inside Fr. Michael joke…I can’t even count how many times he uses those 2 words in a day!), this one guy whipped out his cell phone and started taking pictures of us from behind the bushes. Moreover, the kids go absolutely nuts whenever she steps out of the house (On the first day, I had to get in the back of Fr. Donnie’s truck and pry kids off because they were clinging to the moving vehicle!) However, the weirdest encounter that’s taken place so far, has been with this dude named Charles. We have had to repeatedly deny Charles’ uncomfortably high-pitched invitations to “walk down to the river with him…where we could have all the sugar cane that we’d ever want” (YOUTUBE “Charlie the Unicorn”…there are way too many correlations between the video and this experience...). Let’s just sum it up way: in a place that does not recognize “alternative lifestyles”, ect…, Charles would be much more distraught over Oprah’s final episode than Wednesday night’s Bruin’s loss!

Have a nice, looooong weekend and Go Bs!

Wacky Wednesdays!

Hey Guys,
Another interesting week in the village. A big snake was found the other night outside the house. The guards had to smash it in the head because it was poisonous…Anyway, I’m in a rush because we’re getting ready to head into Mwanza again. So, I figured that we could get a little educational…Here’s a random list of words and phrases in Swahili and Sukuma: (I think my favorite is “Dog’s Meat”...Do people actually that? Not sure if I want to know…).

English- Dementia Factor
Swahili-Kichaa lukichaa kigawa
Sukuma- Lutuga/Nzaji Jigawo.

English- No I won’t
Swahili-Hapana siwezi.
Sukuma-Nadudija.

English-Good Morning
Swahili-Jambo au habari za asubuki.
Sukuma-Mangaluka

English-Good Evening
Swahili-Habari za jioni
Sukuma-Madero

English-See you later.
Swahili-Tutaonana baadaye.
Sukuma-Dugwibona makanza.

English- One Thousand (1000).
Swahili- Elfu moja.
Sukuma- Shi hubi shimo.

English- One Hundred (100).
Swahili- Mia Moja.
Sukuma- Legana lemo.

English- Dog’s Meat
Swahili- Nyama ya mbwa
Sukuma- Nyama ya mva

English- Frog’s Meat
Swahili- Nyama ya chura
Sukuma- Nyama ya danga.

English- Chicken Miscarriage
Swahili- Nyama ya kuki kutoka kwa mimba
Sukuma- Nyama ya ngoko gwinga guli.

English- Any alcoholic beverage
Swahili- Pombe
Sukuma- Walwa

English- Banana Beer
Swahili- Mbege
Sukuma- Mbege/walwa

English- Doctor
Swahili-Mganga
Sukuma- Uguwhapeja.

English-A Letter
Swahili-Barau
Sukuma-Nyaruwa.

English- For example
Swahili- Mfano
Sukuma- Mfano

English- Very Good
Swahili- Safi
Sukuma-Obeja

English- I think so
Swahili- Sidhani
Sukuma- Nadamanile.

English- Cows
Swahili-Ng’ombe
Sukuma-Ng’ombe

English- Lion
Swahili- Simba
Sukuma- Shimba

English- Boy
Swahili- Mvulana
Sukuma- Nyanda

English- Girl
Swahili- Mischana
Sukuma- Ng’wanike

English- Father’s Name
Swahili- Baba
Sukuma- Lima lya ng’wawhawha oko.

English- Grandfather
Swahili- Babu
Sukuma- Nhamala

English- Grandmother
Swahili- Bibi
Sukuma- Ngikulu

English- Brother
Swahili- Kaka
Sukuma- Nyanda

English- At Once
Swahili- Mara moja
Sukuma- Kamo

English- Beginning
Swahili- Mwanzo
Sukuma- Gwandya

English- Fail
Swahili- Kushindwa
Sukuma- Guduma

English- Professor
Swahili- Malaam/ anayeweza
Sukuma- Duja

English- Hyena
Swahili- Fisi
Sukuma- Mbint

English- Snake
Swahili- Nyoka
Sukuma- Nzoka

English- Insects
Swahili- Wadudu
Sukuma- Tushino

English- Student
Swahili- Wanafunzi
Sukuma- Wilangi

English- Book
Swahili- Kitabu
Sukuma- Jidawho

English- Thank you
Swahili- Asante
Sukuma-Mwabeja

English- White people
Swahili- Mtu mweusi
Sukuma- Munho opi.

English- Where do you come from?
Swahili- Unatoka wapi?
Sukuma- Ulenga hee?

English- My name is…
Swahili- Jina langunaitwa…
Sukuma- Linha lyane…

English- Water
Swahili- Majii
Sukuma- Minze

Playing Catch-Up

Last week was pretty busy. We spent a lot of time on the road, so I’ve been doing my best to keep things updated on my end. Check it out!!!

-Mwanza
On Tuesday, we took the 3-hour trip to Mwanza because Fr. Donnie, Fr. Dan, and Fr. Michael had their bi-annual meetings with the other Maryknoll missionaries that work throughout Tanzania. We went out to some really nice restaurants for dinner, including a great place that sits on Lake Victoria!

-When Baboons Attack!
As most of you know, Fr. Donnie and I were nearly attacked by a group of ferocious baboons outside of the Serengeti (check out the video on my facebook if you haven’t seen it yet...). My sincerest apologies for the shaky camera work…grabbing bananas took precedence over capturing those awful animals in the act!

-So Long…
We said goodbye to Fr. Dan while in Mwanza. He’s heading back to the states for some much-needed back surgery. Just like Fr. Donnie, Fr. Dan has spent the majority of his life helping out the poor. Moreover, Fr. Dan’s list of accomplishments is quite impressive: He’s worked in UN refugee camps during various civil wars, built the first windmills in the region (which have been very effective in helping to supply water to people), and he’s successfully decreased tensions between two of Tanzania’s most hostile tribes, the Sukuma and Watatulu…So ya, I guess it’s finally time for Fr. Dan to take care of himself

-Welcome Back!
Fr. Ed “SugarDaddy” Schulman came back to Ndoleleji this week. Fr. Ed is an extremely intelligent guy(he has his doctorate in psychology, and he reads ALL the time!). While his kindness is admirable, it creates an impression in some people’s minds that the priests have more than they letting on…Anyway, like I said before, he’s a really good guy, so I guess we’ll just see what happens!

-Food Shopping
I promise to never complain about going to Stop-N-Shop ever again. SugarDaddy Shulman (sorry, I just really like that nickname) asked me to join him to help him get food at the market because the environment is absolutely crazy! For example, random people started asking me if Osama Bin Laden was dead. At first, I nodded my head, however, more and more people seemed to be getting excited over hearing me discuss the subject. I also had a chance to look at a few of the local papers, which had pictures of what definitely looked like fake-autopsy photos, so I wasn’t even sure what was being reported to the people over here. Once we had finished shopping, I jumped in the back of Fr. Donnie’s truck to make sure nobody stole any of our food. As we were pulling away, some dude gave me his best Dwayne Wade impersonation, and hit me in the back with a cheap shot. It didn’t hurt, nonetheless, I was rather displeased…

“Paging Doctor…” Oh Right, Nevermind!

Alright, let’s cut to the chase. This week, I scraped up my knee. Assuming it was no big deal, I went back to playing tennis and waited a few hours to clean the cut…Big Mistake! When I woke up the next morning, my knee looked nasty (I realize that many of you who are reading this are in/ studying to be in the medical field, however, I don’t feel like getting into specifics because this stuff grosses me out, ya freaks!)

Speaking of future professionals in medicine, I attempted to contact Bridget, my caring and compassionate little sister because I had a few questions for her (I was hoping to get some information on the painful meds they put on the wound (I found out that Iodine makes you feel like your leg is on fire). When I realized that it wasn’t getting any better, I considered just having it cut off (That’s really not a joke. There’s a kid down the road with 1 leg because the sleezeball father didn’t take him to the hospital in time—mind you the 50+ yr. old father is the same upstanding individual who bought and subsequently married a 19 yr. old girl—gotta love that dowry…and Craig Stevenson don’t even think about it!) Unfortunately, Bridget, who is like .000001 away from a 4.0 GPA in nursing school, was unavailable because she was preoccupied by the Royal Wedding festivities…Btw, there is absolutely ZERO chance that Prince William could have landed a girl like that in real life…Any guy who has that severe of a receding hairline has one of two choices on the baldness spectrum. On one extreme, you can shave it all off completely. It probably takes some time to get used to but it’s definitely the safer play. Then, on the other side, there’s the Tom Brady hairplug thingamajig route (minus the ponytail)…Quick interesting fact, Brady’s father was briefly studying to become a Maryknoll priest. Fr. Donnie and Fr. Dan know people back in California who are still friends with him. In addition, they can confirm that Bridget Moynihan didn’t tell Brady that she was with child until she found out about him dating Gisele…Ok, you caught me, that’s a lie!).

*In other news, “Juicy” the researcher received a call from Maryknoll on Thursday night from one of the higher-up priests from the organization (Fr. Donnie hates cell phones, so he gave her his…another BIG mistake). Juicy was told to let Fr. Donnie know that an elderly priest had passed away. This recently deceased priest’s first name happened to be “Ed”, which is also the name of a priest who lives out here (he’s currently home recovering from surgery). Since there are not many “Eds” from Africa, Juicy assumed it was him. In addition, she informed the entire nation of Tanzania that this Fr. Ed had unexpectedly died. In all seriousness, Fr. Michael was getting txt’s all day from as far out as Dar es Salaam (on the opposite side of the country).

Payback Time (Make Sure to Read the Bottom)

As previously mentioned, Fr. Donnie’s revolving door of “guests” swung open a couple weeks ago, providing me with another a new acquaintance. From the moment of his unannounced arrival (the pastor dropped him off in a hospital van!) I could tell that this was going to be an interesting experience. Simon, a 70 year-old evangelical radio host from Nairobi, Kenya, decided to grace us with his presence until Easter. Not knowing their reasoning at the time, I soon found out why Fr. Dan and Fr. Michael didn’t hurry back to the village after hearing of Simon’s plans.

Ughh Simon, where to begin…Well, let’s just put it this way, he’s essentially a child trapped inside an elderly man’s body. He talks nonstop, whines when he doesn’t get his way, and is probably the most self-absorbed individual that I’ve ever met. Thirdly, Simon is afraid of the dark. He sleeps with the lights on (draining ALL of our solar power by about 10pm). Finally, Simon seals every window shut and covers each of them with curtains because he believes that “witches will come through at night.”

Although Simon’s personality bugged me and I find him annoying, I understand that these characteristics are simply minor inconveniences. The truth is that Simon really bothers me because he took advantage of Fr. Donnie’s generosity and hospitality. For example, he single-handedly depleted the priests’ beer supply in just about a week (it usually takes them over a month). Every night, “Simon the Mooch” complained on cue bout a reoccurring headache that always seemed to follow his drinking. The first few times, I attempted to calmly explain that he may want to lay off the bottle, however, he usually took exception with that, replying “beer is good for you…give me another, grandson” (I’m 99% sure he doesn’t even know my name). At first, I thought his comments were funny, but they gradually became more burdensome than anything else. Thus, in an effort to avoid his nightly nagging, I gave him a Tylenol PM to put him to sleep (I’ve got to admit that I tossed around the idea of slipping him a couple more to put him out for good…).

Well, to my disappointment, Simon did wake up each morning, resulting in the continuation of this reoccurring nightmare. Last night, after a long evening that featured Simon eating an entire bowl chicken by himself (this was supposed to be a major Easter dinner treat for everyone), I was left with an empty stomach and a really bad taste in my mouth. However, that all changed unexpectedly. During the end of one of his rants, emphasizing how he was “greatly appreciated by the whole village”, Simon instructed me to grab a pen and paper. As Simon enthusiastically spewed all of his useless garbage, I waited for him to take a sip of his 4th beer of the night (he was making sure to clean out the fridge before leaving…pretty classy dude). When the moment did arrive, I politely asked him for his e-mail address. Simon cockily responded “I’ll do you one better, Grandson”…Feel free to give our pal a ring:

Cell: +722-441-1248

Good Friday Edition: Top 10 Ways to Avoid Getting Hung from a Cross

I’m not gonna lie to you, this week has pretty long. My internet package expired on Saturday, and that wasn’t resolved until last night (worst possible timing with the playoffs in full swing). Additionally, we’ve got a new “visitor” (I’ll tell you all about him on Monday or Tuesday), who decided to drop in last Friday, and won’t be leaving until the day after Easter. Anyway, with the entire village in Holy Week mode, “Resurrection-Mania” is in full-swing. Below is this week’s Top 10 Ways to Avoid Crucifixion. Enjoy…and yes I think this confirm that I’ve officially lost my mind!

10.) Make Concessions
-“Look, I’m not going to waver on any of the ‘Son of God’ stuff...However, I’ll lift the ‘No Meat Rule’ AND give you Friday off…C’mon who doesn’t love long weekends???

9.) Break out the Secret Weapon...The Easter Bunny
-“What if I told you that a bunny will come on Sunday and give you a bunch of chocolate…Just come to Church dressed nicely!”

8.) Point out the Competition
-“Uh Hello, has anyone actually taken a look at this guy Barabbas?!”

7.) Stall-
-“Hold on a second, can we push this crucifixion back a few hours?” (Wait it out til 3…I hear that a big storm was on the way).

6.) Idkkkk-
-Sorry, can’t think of one here. Keep going, you’ve got plenty of reading left…

5.) Pull the Unreliable Judas Aside-
- “Look man, if you even think about betraying me, then I’ll tell everybody you prefer kissing dudes on the cheek over handshakes!” (I don’t care who/what you are/believe…that just weirds me out).

4.) Take Away Pontius Pilot’s Bowl of Water…-
-…Thus, making it impossible for him to “wash his hand” of the situation.

3.) Identity Change-
-Lose the beard and the long hair for a while. Sure the swaddling clothes and the technicolored dreamcoat play well in the historical context of the Bible, but I’m trying to get Jesus out of an execution here…There’s no way around it, the 70’s Hippie Jesus look makes you stick out anywhere…especially way back when in Jerusalem.

2.) Call in the Closer…
-“And now introducing the ‘greatest man to ever come from a woman’ (best quote of all time) John the Baptist!” Aside from the fact that everyone thought he was crazy, I honestly don’t know a whole lot about this guy. However, I heard the “greatest man…” line while dozing off at church once and have been hooked ever since. I’m sure he’d be a valuable asset. Besides, are you telling me you wouldn’t want to hang out with a guy who’s got an awesome nickname like that?

1.) Pull a Reverse Lazarus
-During your long and painful struggle carrying the cross, find a weak spot in the crowd. Use the encounter with Mother Mary or Mary Magdalene (Sorry, I sorta forgot this part…and I’m having trouble with Wikipedia) as a distraction. Finally, take a dive, hit all the on-lookers with a large dose of blindness, and book it out of there. “Now ya see me…now ya don’t!”

*Well, after this gem, I think it’s pretty evident why I never got above a C in Religion!

Happy Easter!

I Think This One May Actually Be Worth Reading!

Over the weekend, I was helping Fr. Donnie clean his house. As we were going through all of his stuff, I came across a 4-page article that had been buried under a stack of papers. After reading the article, I learned about all of the impressive accomplishments that Fr. Donnie had achieved throughout his time in Tanzania. In my opinion, this summary best exemplifies all of the hard work that Fr. Donnie has put into improving the lives of the African people. Thus, I decided to type it out and post it below. Unlike most of the useless nonsense that is typically found on this blog, I think that people will actually get something out of this. With that in mind, grab an extra coffee (sorry, every once in a while my Dunkin Donuts withdrawal rears its ugly head), and take a few minutes to read it for yourself...

With a twinkle in his eye, Fr. Don Sybertz led the way through a blue door into a small compound a stone’s throw from the Ndoleleji Mission. His Research Group, four men and a woman of the local Sukuma tribe, was waiting and on cue burst into a welcome song. With a grin on his face, Don joined them in their dancing and melodic chant. The beautiful songs continued for almost an hour, with Don explaining the meaning and symbolism. The Research Group are some of the brightest members of the local Catholic parish. They shared with this much loved Maryknoll Father the task of collecting African myths and proverbs and interpreting them as Africa Christian Theology.

Born in NORTH WEYMOUTH, Massachusetts in 1928, Don has been living in Tanzania since 1955 as a Maryknoll missionary. With a lifetime’s love and appreciation of Africa, especially the Sukuma tribe, he is deeply inculturated into African folklore and recognizes its parallels with Christianity. A fascination for the subject and being an expert speaker of the Sukuma language, he fully appreciates their oral traditions. He has made a continuing study of how to relate Scripture and the African proverbs, wisdom sayings, stories and parables of the people. This has resulted in the publication of several books in Swahili as evangelization aids for the Tanzanian Church and a major book in English.

One of Fr. Don’s books, “Towards an African Narrative Theology” is published by Orbis. The books’ introduction explains the priests’ journey:

Welcome to a journey into the heart and soul of the African people and cultures. This is the on-going African journey of enculturation and contextualization – rooting the gospel in local African cultures and societies. The guides on this journey are African proverbs, sayings, riddles, stories, myths, plays, songs, cultural symbols, and real life experiences. Through this particular story of an African narrative theology of enculturation we hope to communicate to a wider audience the experience and wisdom of the African people and cultures. This is a concrete step in sharing the theological insights and praxis of the African Church with the World Church and the world society.

This expatriate missionary holds great respect for what he has seen and experienced in Africa and feels compelled to tell others. When asked if it is valid for expatriate missionaries to construct an African Theology, his answer is:

Yes, because we are not writing our own theology from the top down, but we are transmitting the theological reflections and insights of the African people and communities from the grassroots, from the bottom up. This is a process of constructing a local participatory theology. We have tried to codify African experience and wisdom through oral literature and traditions such as proverbs, sayings, riddles, stories, myths, fables, plays, songs, prayers, homilies, sermons, personal testimonies, dreams, and cultural symbols to integeate them with the Christian faith.

In the book there are thousands of proverbs listed, as well as quotes from local African clergy. Sister Anne Nasimiyu-Wasike, L.S.O.S.F. states: The oral literature of the African people is their unwritten Bible. This religious wisdom is found in African idioms, wise sayings, legends, myths, stories, proverbs and oral history.

The theologian Rev. Mbiti adds: Proverbs are a rich source of African Religion and philosophy. They contain and point to a deep spirituality, as well as theological and philosophical insights. In this case they form a bridge between traditional African religiosity and biblical teaching.
Four African proverbs and their biblical parallels show the striking similarity between African wisdom and biblical wisdom.

1.) Sukuma (Tanzania) Proverb: What goes into the stomach is not lasting.
Mark 7: 18-19: Do you not see that whatever goes into a person from outside cannot defile, since it enters, not the heart but the stomach, and goes into the sewer.

2.) Sukuma (Tanzania) Proverb: To laugh at a person with a defective eye while you hide your own defects.
Matthew 7:3: Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eyes, but do not notice the log in your own eye?

3.) Fipa (Tanzania) Proverb: God’s rain falls even on the witch.
Matthew 5:45: Your Father in heaven sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.

4.) Kuria (Kenya/Tanzania) and Ngoreme (Tanzania) Proverb: One person is thin porridge or gruel; two or three people are a handul of stuff cooked corn meal.
Ecclesiastes 4:9,12: Two are better than one…A threefold cord is not quickly broken.

In 2007, Don published a small book “Tears of Joy: African Story about Heroes and Monsters.” The story is a creation myth for the Sukuma people who were in danger of being swallowed by a monster Shing’weng’we who was slaughtered by a hero child Masala Kulangwa who became King and Chief of the whole world. John P. Mbonde reviewed the book and this is an extract from his review:

A story, a tale, a myth such as the Sukuma myth of Shing’weng’we and Masala Kulangwa meticulously narrated in Tears Of Joy, can still be used more effectively than a scientific explanation to teach certain metaphysical truths and to give very powerful moral lessons to young people.

It is incredible that after 51 years of extensive research on the rich Sukuma cultural traditions and oral literature (stories, songs, proverbs, riddles, myths, folklore, ect.), the author Father Donald Sybertz, M.M., a Maryknoll Missioner living in Shinyanga, Tanzania, has every reason to rejoice and be congradulated for having such a good command of the Sukuma language and finally helping the full, definitive version of this myth to see the light of day in this 27 page booklet.

In this book, Tears of Joy, the monster appears in the village in the form of a large pumpkin which kept on growing and growing all the time until it become so enormous that all were truly amazed. People ran to get their weapons. The pumpkin suddenly burst open and a monster with long claws and sharp teeth came roaring out. All the people, elders, men and women, boys and girls, children and babies, even cattle and goats were swallowed.
It was the son of the lone woman who escaped from being swallowed by the monster who later killed the monster with a stone. The name of this courageous boy is Masala Kulangwa. It was a great achievement for him and for all the men and women of his Sukuma Ethnic Group who came out of the stomach dancing and singing: “Masala Kulangwa killed him. We are all free and alive again. What a man this Masala Kulangwa is.” They made Masala Kulangwa their Chief and King of the Whole World.

This myth touches the metaphysical problems of death and afterlife. Shing’weng’we is diabolically a terrible monster, apparently unconquerable and without mercy. Every human being must fall victim to him. This is the law from which no one can escape. The monster’s stomach is the symbol of earth (from which comes all fertility). It also symbolizes the tomb where everybody will sooner or later be swallowed (common death).

Father Don Sybertz and his Research Group continued their song and dance. It was an awesome experience. Their joyful faces, swaying bodies and perfect harmonies were just a taster for the visitor, the tip of an immense iceberg of knowledge, faith and understanding which has been carried through generations. It is a testimony to the enthusiasm and intelligence of Father Sybertz that he paid attention and wrote it down for a worldwide audience to appreciate and understand. And to encourage evangelization in an African way.