Due to the fact that I’m currently halfway across the world, this will be the first year in a very long time that I will be unable to participate in March Madness. However, the guys over at the Sean White Bureau of Statistics (SWBS…wow, has there ever been a more appropriate abbreviation?!) have developed a fool-proof formula to guarantee you victory in your office pool. Aside from doing a bunch of fancy math (Ya, I Ace’d my statistics class…that I took during summer break…for two weeks...in order to wipe-out my math requirement…at Quincy College), the SWBS has developed brand-new, state-of-the-art technology to ensure maximum success. The African Association App. (available now for your Iphone) selects the winner of each game based on the first thing that comes to my mind when the field is announced on Sunday night. For example, nobody even knows who will be in the Tuesday “play-in” game yet, but I can already tell you how the SWBS will rank them:
Round: 1
Seeds: Play-In Game
African Association App. Results:
Match-Up: “Chicken v. Mosquito (w/ malaria…just to make it interesting).”
Outcome: The chicken’s tremendous size advantage appears overwhelming during the first-half. However, the chicken’s lack of focus and “cockiness” lead to the mosquito’s comeback, narrowly squeaking out the victory.
Now that I’ve got you thinking sports, I need some updates! We have a satellite that picks up a bunch of news channels from all around the world, however, they do lack big time in their sports coverage. The Japanese stations are obviously a bit preoccupied with the Earthquake/Tsunami, Al-Jazeera (or should I say Al-“I<3 Mommar Kadafi”) is still kissing the Libyan dictator’s “Madako” (according to my tutor, that’s ‘buttocks’, in Swahili/Sukuma), and I can’t even begin to comprehend what’s going on with the Indian stations. Come to think of it, the only sports coverage I have seen was a figure skating story on the Korean station from “Sports Guy”, Jimmy Wu (No relation to Kenny Wu from the Mighty Ducks).
As I reflect back on this month-long drought of American sports, I think I’ve finally realized why people around the world actually like soccer. When the only alternative to “Ice-Dancing” is watching 0-0 ties, girly-man dives, and dudes excessively weeping regardless of the outcome, I guess soccer isn’t that bad after all…Oh wait never mind, I still don’t get. I’d honestly rather suffer through 3 minutes of a Johnny Weir routine than waste my time watching the “world’s most beautiful game.”
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